Friday, December 9, 2011

[Fortress Eibon] Yes my friend? I am Mustafa!

As you see Mustafa is tall like a mountain with arms as massive as a fat woman's thighs. You can tell how mighty Mustafa is by his massive me shake it!

Mustafa wields a great shamshir as he is very strong yet Mustafa is graceful too. I wear a shirt of mail as plate armor is too restrictive as it slows one down.

My other brother mercenaries were angry with conniving adventurers and their dangerous delves into Fortress Eibon and sought easy work guarding fat merchants. Not Mustafa, I am brave and mighty, yet not foolhardy as I have a lovely plump wife and happy children.

So Mustafa stood alone in the mercenary square, shirtless to show off my virility with my big arms and great hairy belly. Some adventurers came and sought Mustafa's shamshir for their delve and after they found that elderly idiot Heramphalmos we sought out Fortress Eibon.

There were four adventurers. A handsome warrior with a voice like music named Ballard who Mustafa had heard many good things about. There was also an ill-favored Sorcerer name Bugoso who spoke with a rasping croak and seems unsavory and unclean. There was a fighting-man named Tangroth the Tepid who seemed simple. And another swordsman named Mezinkine.

Ballard had two magic swords, one of the the legendary serpent-thing bane named "Scalesplitter." He is open handed and gave his lesser magic sword to Tangroth.

We ventured into the Fortress and found what looked like the remains of a tavern. There was an attached inn and the delvers searched the rooms.

In one room they found several delicate butterflies of blue, green and purple glass. One of the delvers tried to grab them and they started flying. A fool tried to knock one out of the air with a spear shaft and it exploded, making others explode. Also the bones of some men attacked us.

In the ruins of the larder several bottles of valuable spiced brandy were found. One of the fools of an adventurer drank one and was woozy from the narcotic spices in the liquor!

While searching through rubbish Ballard found a grub burrowing in his arm; the creepy sorcerer Bugoso used a charm to render them both asleep and the foul worm was slain.

We searched a stable and found a huge pile of bloody horse bones with a severed arm and the body of a brother mercenary with a crushed head lying on top. We left quickly.

There was a well and the adventurers sought to explore it, but the fools did not bring sufficient rope! Fortunately Mustafa has a long, strong silk sash and he lowered them down into wet caves. They said they found gold and silver coins, a battered broken copper statue of a satyr that the sought to bring up, but it was far too heavy. I know not why but fool adventurers scoff at copper coins yet drool over heavy, old copper statues.

They said that they found many huge toads and fled the caves. Mustafa is mighty and was easily able to hold his sash while they climbed up.

We explored a tower and found a mural of gladiators as well as many coins and a secret room. We heard hissing and smelled a foul stench so we used the secret room, which had two entrances, to avoid these unknown reeking hissers.

After we exited the tower Ballard sneaked back in and returned immediately; he said that he saw scaly things that used illusion to look like walls!

Later we explored another part of the tower where there was a huge pile of man-bones, coins and stairs leading up the tower. But a huge gray lizard ran on the wall like a gecko and grabbed Ballard's handsome head in it's huge jaws. Another one grabbed Tangroth the Tepid while a third grabbed Mizenkine by a leg, pulled it off and ran away with the bloody limb.

Seeing that Mizenkine was dead and the two other fighting-men were being eaten by huge geckos the cowardly sorcerer Bugoso fled!

Heramphalmos beat the lizards with his broom while I cut them to pieces with my mighty shamshir.

We tended to the two unconscious warriors; Tangroth recovered his sense, albeit in a feeble state, so we left him to catch up while Mustafa carried Ballard back to the outskirts of Yam. Bugoso was shocked to see us, the cur!

A week later the two injured ones recovered and the adventurers brought another sword into their fold; I remember not his name but he did survive.

We found a fighting pit littered with the debris of gladiatorial games; we ascended a stair where we found of room with many heaps of tentacled jellies that terrified the party. We also found the ruins of decadent luxurious lounges.

In the fighting pit there were three doors. From two was heard the sounds of an unceasing battle; behind the other was stairs descending to a gaol with many cells full of the bones of unfortunate souls. There was also an exit full of a putrescent green mist from which was also heard the sounds of battle.

Coins and a magic shield were found in the cells before the fighting-man whose name escapes Mustafa was struck down by spinning discs fired from strange mushrooms; the party fled but went back for their struck down companion who was yet still breathing and we returned to the outskirts of Yam.

Although Ballard is a gentleman, the others conspired to short the idiot Heramphalmos of his fair share of treasure as the old fool cannot count higher than ten. Such behavior is talked about, you can be sure of that my friend!

A week later another group of adventurers solicited Mustafa. A short warrior name Griswold; a shifty Cleric named Bonspiel and his henchman, a Thief that also dabbled in sorcery who was named Kronen; a very short man with a beard named Dreg; and another Thief named Carter.

Dreg and Carter bought several kebabs of heavily garliced and curried camel meat and we ventured to the Fortress; vultures and jackals were following us and I told the delvers to not pass out drunk in the scrub or such beasts would eat their faces!

We ventured down the stairs of the southwest tower and found a catacombs full of neatly swept broken bones and a pair of luxurious black silk pantaloons with gold trim. They offered them to me, but even such fine baggy pantaloons were far too small for Mustafa the Mountain!

A room with skull pillars and a pit was found. It looked as if heavy furniture had been pushed into the pit, scraped the stone floor. Bonspiel laughed and said that obviously other adventurers had been here before.

There was also a branching tunnel only five feet wide and tall; we had to enter it single file and us tall ones had too crouch. As it was far too cramped to use my shamshir Mustafa took his great knife and held it between his teeth as he crawled through the passages.

We found a dead end, but not before Bonspiel was shot by a poisoned dart! Fortunately the venom was weak and only made him pass wind of an incredibly foul nature. After Griswold spotted some watery feces on the floor Bonspiel admitted that when he passed the wind he also passed liquid night soil and it was dripping down his leg.

He took off his pant, used a flask of holy water and a waterskin to clean himself, and than put on the fancy pantaloons that we found earlier.

The pantaloons began writhing and Bonspiel started screaming that they were twisting his testicles off! Fortunately the pantaloons were cut into ribbons before the Cleric was made into a Eunuch!

Further down the tunnels Griswold was caught by spores ejected by mushrooms and started coughing a choking uncontrollably; he recovered and oil was used to burn the mushrooms.

We found cells full of bones; in one we found silver and in another there was several round boulders the size of heads and the glint of coins.

Griswold investigated and the boulders revealed fanged jaws and began rolling at him! He retreated to the cramped tunnel and used his shield to block the entrance. It sounded like giant hail as the toothy rocks bounced off his shield, but one got past and bit his elbow while another rolled under him and bit his rump!

I cut that one in half with my great knife and a crowded battle with the rolling hungry stones began. I smashed more with my knife hilt and we kept shouting at Carter the Thief that if he shot his bow he would strike one of us instead in these tight quarters.

The rocks were defeated; they had bloody red insides and Dreg took them, claiming that they should be good to eat. Mustafa is dubious of eating such unnatural things; I will stick to goat and camel thank you.

We found a stair and descended further into damp, slimy caverns where we stumbled across a pack of squat, man-like toad things. They began croaking and one spoke like a man.

It turned out that Griswold was able to parley with them and they asked us to slay a band of shaggy men that had been plaguing them. Griswold asked if any of them would aid us in this task and their spokestoad, who was named Bogodugog, agreed to guide us.

As the toad-thing led us through the tunnels we were surprised by a slithering babbling reptile that resembled a King-Tyrant Lizard, if it was only slightly of more stature than I Mustafa. It had several Lizard Man followers and it looked like a battle was imminent but Bogogadugog was able to convince them to leave us be and let us pass in his croaking, babbling tongue.

Bogogadugog led us to a spot just before the entrance to the shaggy men's lair. Dreg and Kronen advanced with the intention of ambushing them with flasks of flaming oil, but they had been anticipating us and were attacked by two greasy men with filthy long hair and beards.

They were clad in tattered leathers and had crude morningstars. One of them struck Kronen's arm off with a mighty blow and the Thief-Dabbler fell to the ground where the flask of flaming oil shattered on his face and set his head afire.

There was a might battle! Mustafa disemboweled one with my great knife and had a hearty laugh at the cur's death!

I should have not laughed at such, as I was struck in the gut by one of the spiked clubs and was sorely wounded!

We pulled back where we could attack from both flanks. Blood was gushing from the grievous wound in my belly but we continued to cut down these filthy jackals. I grabbed one by the eyes and with a mighty stroke of my knife cut off his head and threw it at his brothers!

Soon we had slain all of them, with even the toad-thing aiding in the battle. We found their coins and a foul larder of rotting corpses. We returned to the outskirts of Yam with our bounty and Mustafa returned to his plump wife and his beloved dear babies to recover from the deep wound in my belly.


  1. That was great! I love Mustafa's commentary.

  2. The PC's in your campaign must be built like Mr. Potato Head - their arms & legs keep coming off...

  3. I am loving these reports! Sounds like you are having a blast.