Butts, Dongs and Gazoombas in RPG Art Wishlist

Recently there have a been a few online discussions & kerfuffles about what kind of artwork is appropriate in rpgs, with subjects such as gore, nudity, and the like being issues.

Now, with everyone being different, people have different standards regarding what kind of artwork is appropriate in a rpg product. Unfortunately, I'm not World Dictator yet, so nobody is being forced to play rpgs or read these books; but it seems reasonable that there is room for both "G-rated" products, and "Adult" ones as well. By adult, I'm not talking about SLAUGHTER PORN!, but works that assume that the reader is an adult.

With that all taken care of, as a guy with an appreciation for loutish, lowbrow humour, here are some illustrations I would LOVE to see in an "Adult" RPG product:

- Someone pooping in the forest, with a bare butt, and a snake or giant centipede biting them in said butt. Of course this poor sap would have a shocked/horrified expression.

- A dude running and swordfighting, butt-naked, with his dong swinging about Corben-style. I'm imagining a Cassanova/Lieber story gone wrong...the protagonist is running and fighting his way across a manor roof through an army of angry brothers with a terrified "Oh my god! I'm in it now! I'm fighting naked on a rooftop!" look on his face.

- Some cavewomen or lady headhunters with those dangling National Geographic boobs...and some disappointed looking explorers.

- A pervy looking magic-user using invisibility to spy on a bathing lady.

- Something like the Wolf Witch sequence from Conan the Barbarian or a Succubus visitation, but going absolutely horrible for the poor guy...he's scratched all to hell, trying to scramble out of the pile of sleeping furs, meanwhile the supernatural hoochie mama is cackling with lightning shooting out of her ears.

- Many folks have complained that they'd like to see more women in rpg products depicted as something other than Pamela Andersen in a chainmail bikini. I agree with these folks. I'd also like to see some women in rpgs products depicted with Big Butts...and I don't mean the hourglass figures that 95% of rpg illo women have. I mean the Big Butts that many real life women have. Not that I'm a crazed, gigantic ass fetishist or anything.

- An adventurer, dripping with riches, back from an expedition, in a tavern, trying to put the moves on the buxom tavern wenches...who are laughing at him ...he's humiliated ...they're pointing and laughing, tears running down their faces ...everyone's laughing at him.

Of course, I imagine all of these illustration in Poag-vision. Sweet, sweet, lurid, grotesque Poag-vision.

My Take on the FGG Swords & Wizardry Cover Controversy, Cave Map & Blasphemous Bestiary Request

So some folks aren't taken with the cover artwork for the upcoming Swords & Wizardry complete edition being released by Frog God Games. See Here, and Here.

Now, I absolutely adore Peter Mullen's artwork and his cover for Swords & Wizardry Core (I've seen pictures of folks in a shirt with that artwork...anyone know where I could get one?), I've stated several times that my dream team for Planet Algol cover artwork would be Peter Mullen & Stephen Poag.

However, I'm also a big fan of the artist responsible for the cover of the upcoming Swords & Wizardry FFG release, Rick Sardine (or however you spell it...). I find them subtle, evocative, and with a rich depiction of lighting. Mesopotamia, Coils of Set, this cat has done some great covers.

I love the Peter Mullen cover, but I'm quite down with the new version as well (although if I wasn't financially strapped right now I'd be desperately ordering the Black Blade Publishing version of Swords & Wizardry core in order to own a copy with the Mullen artwork).

To me the the Rick Sardinia cover says "Some may poh-poh the idea of a simple, oldschool system such as S&W providing a rich, sophisticated, adult RPG experience..but you're wrong! Not only is S&W good for simple dungeoncrawls, Rient-sian gonzotude, and funn cheetoism; but it can also be used for serious, "adult," dramatic, "literary" play!" (not that I'm advocating railroading, Dragonlancing, or story-before-game), "Not only can you use S&W for the Treasure Dungeon of Darth Viraxis, but you can also use it for a serious game of Tolkein-ish questing!" (does anyone else get a watcher at the gates of Moria vibe from it?).

However, and a tangentially related topic that gets my blood boiling with NUCLEAR NERD RAGE!!!1, I HATE HATE HATE the newer Swords & Wizardry logo; and I absolutely fucking love the older, cryptic, Metal-er one.

BRING BACK THE OLD SWORDS & WIZARDRY LOGO OR I WILL UNLEASH THE HYDRA!!

Well, since the above constitutes an internet argument, I must kowtow to the wisdom of the esteemed JOESKY; here's a hand-drawn map (tee-hee) of  a cave complex for all you DMs & GMs to stock and use (yeah, my players can forget about checking it out!):

Also, does anyone out there have one of those preview copies of Blasphemous Bestiary that were in circulation before the editor nuked them? I'd love a chance to check it out...it sounds like it was right up my alley! (planetalgolATgmailDOTcom)