Stick Around! - AD&D Action Movie Hack

I was thinking about getting into Mercenaries, Spies & Private Eyes; Ninjas & Superspies; Phoenix Command; d20 Modern; Spycraft; Feng Shui, or some other game or hack to do Badass 80s Action Movie Gaming! But, it might be easier to do it with D&D?

Ability Scores: 4d6, best three dice, six times, arrange to suit. Or even the most obscenely generous ability score generation system...these guys are Action Heroes! % Strength is in effect. Use the most generous ability score modifiers out of AD&D, B/XD&D & even 3E!

Character Classes: All PCs are Action Heroes. Some NPCs are Action Heroes, most are 0-level humans, as well as Fighters, Thieves, Assassins, Ninjas/Martial Artists (monks), Doctors (clerics). But all PCs are Action Heroes.

Action Heroes function as Fighters. They can use the Gun Them Down! houserule. They can use Unearthed Arcana weapon specialization...even (especially!) on guns. They also have the same abilities of a Thief of the same level...including Read languages. They also have the unarmed attack and armor class of a monk of the same level, as well as the movement rate of a monk of the same level. All PCs star at some not-low level at the beginning of the campaign...these guys are Action Heroes!

Use Jeff Rients houserule that a natural 20 on an  attack by a PC is an auto-kill.

Maybe even use 3rd edition tactical combat rules to emulate a precise bullet ballet...these guys are Action Heroes!

"Left For Dead" PCs can be resurrected by a high enough level Doctor, as per Clerical magic, but with a window of opportunity of hours instead of days.

Find some d20 Modern, Spycraft, or Palladium book for guns and gear.

Let the assault on the aerie of the Columbian Drug Lords who have taken the President captive commence.

New Magic Item: Scroll of Summoning Aspect of Kurt Russell

These scrolls are similar to protection scroll in that characters of any class are capable of utilizing them. Unlike most scrolls they feature an illustration of a rugged, handsome human male with a beard or stubble and great hair. When read 1d6 rounds later an aspect of Kurt Russel appears. This aspect of Kurt Russel will willingly aid any non-evil user of the scroll as long it does not involve outright villainy and will be present for 24 hours before disappearing back into time and space. Roll on the below table to determine which aspect of Kurt Russell appears; any harm inflicted to an aspect will not affect the real Kurt Russell of our world. All aspects of Kurt Russell have maximum hit dice and a +2 bonus on all saving throw rolls.

d10
1 Dexter Riley (8th-level scientist; 17 intelligence and charisma; 1d6: 1-2 19 intelligence, 3-4 can become invisible at will, 5-6 hill giant strength)
2 Elvis (8th-level bard/monk; 18 charisma; carries 1-3 handguns)
3 Snake Plisskin (8th-level fighting-man/thief; 17 strength, dexterity, constitution and charisma)
4 R.J. McReady (8th level fighting-man & helicopter pilot; 17 strength, wisdom, dexterity, constitution and charisma; carries either a firearm (50%) or a flamethrower (50%))
5 Jack Burton (1st-level fighting-man but believes he is 8th level and actually has the maximum hit points of an 8th-level fighting-man; drops held weapon or pratfalls on any attack roll of 1 or 2 but will kill any supernatural opponents on an attack roll of 20; all allies within view get +1 on all attack rolls and +2 on all saving throws)
6 Captain Ron (8th level thief and sailor; 17 constitution and charisma)
7 Wyatt Earp (8th-level fighting-man; 17 dexterity, constitution and charisma; carries a long-barrel revolver that he can pistol whip with for 1-6 damage)
8 "Jack" O'Neil (8th-level fighting-man; 17 strength, dexterity, constitution and charisma; carries an automatic pistol and a tactical nuke)
9 Todd (8th-level fighting-man; 17 strength, dexterity and constitution; 3 charisma)
10 Actor Kurt Russell (8th-level fighting-man; 17 charisma)

Urban Action Mayhem Chase Tables

"My idea of a town adventure goes something like blah, blah, blah, there's a fight, and then the town burns down. "
- Jeff Rients

When cocky, amoral adventures roll into some settlement and start thinking they can browbeat, bully and strongarm their way over the locals. When a chaotic neutral low-level thief can't resist shoplifting or pickpocketing. Hell has a way of breaking loose.

A smart party would try to make themselves disappear when that happens, but the adventurers may find themselves being chased down a street. Here are some tables for over-the-top urban chases.

What's Around the Corner? d20
1 - Two tradesmen with a large pane of glass (10% chance glass in unbreakable; 10% chance of mimes).
2 - Open sewer grate, 25% chance of 1d4 crocodiles in sewer below.
3 - Fruit/vegetable stand.
4 - Fragile cage, contents d4: 1 - bear, 2- tiger, 3- ape, 4 - baboons (3d4), 5 - giant lizards (1d3), 6 - Hyenas (2d4).
5 - Wealthy, powerful noble or other important figure, easily offended, with 3d4 guards. 25% chance of being in a litter with 2 or 4 slave bearers.
6 - Snake charmer, 2d4 poisonous serpents in basket
7 - Slaves pulling wagon loaded with barrels of human waste.
8 - 2d4 Elite soldiers, 50% of being officers
9 - 3d4 Unruly foreign mercenaries or sailors, may side with underdogs, mavericks, rebels and the like.
10 - Human chain of 4d6 slaves with 2d4 slaver guards.
11 - Elephant, mammoth, or dinosaur and handler(s).
12 - Beautiful woman, may fall in love with charismatic pc, 50% chance fo being rich/noble.
13 - Merchant and 2d4 servants or slaves bearing clay urns of oil, 50% chance an urn has just been dropped and a pool of oil is on the street.
14 - Urchins playing marbles.
15 - Powerful sorcerer, easily offended, 75% chance of 1d4 apprentices or henchmen.
16 - Large, crowded group of people (d4: 1 - spontaneous street party; 50% chance of impromptu dance sequence occurring, 2 - angry crowd about to riot, 3 - labourers leaving workplace, 4 - parade)
17 - 4d4 Clumsy, stupid, comical guardsmen armed with truncheons and only helmets for armor, 50% chance of carrying whistles.
18 - Procession of pilgrims, zealots, dervishes or monks. 75% chance of them bearing a sacred relic of their cult.
19 - The mayor/king or equivalent and entourage.
20 - Fishmarket

What's In the Alleyway? d10
1 - Jaded prostitutes.
2 - Camp of 3d4 hobos.
3 - 3d4 street toughs, 25% chance of fighting 3d4 rival gang members. Armed with knives, clubs and chains.
4 - 1d8 large vicious dogs.
5 - Wrought iron fence, 25% chance of hidden broken glass in top.
6 - Obstacles composed of rotting garbage.
7 - Prostitute servicing rich/upper class/important client.
8 - 1d4 flesh-eating zombies, 10% chance of being infectious.
9 - 1d4 illicit intoxicant vendors. Will be surly, tough and armed.
10 - Serial killer (usually high-level assassin) and victim; 50% chance killer is rich, noble or some other important member of society.

What's Inside the Building They're Attempting to Escape In/Through? d10
1 - Boudoir full of scantily clad or naked beautiful women; on positive reaction may hinder pursuers.
2 - 2d6 Criminals, armed.
3 - Powerful sorcerer, easily offended, 75% chance of 1d4 apprentices or henchmen, 50% chance is summoning demon or some other complicated, dangerous rite.
4 - Undead d4: 1 - ghosts or other evil spirits (1d4), 2 - flesh-eating zombies (3d6, 10% chance of infectious), 3 - ghouls (1d8), 4 - vampire (50% chance of 2-3).
5 - Hidden temple of evil cult and guardians.
6 - Secret treasure stash, 75% chance guarded by 2d4 fighting men or 1d3 dangerous beasts/monsters. 50% chance trapped.
7 - Abandoned residence, factory or warehouse.
8 - Shocked family.
9 - Social club, 3d6 gentlemen and 3d4 servants.
10 - A crowded, raging party; 50% chance of spontaneous musical number occurring.

Player Characters - I find Survivors More Engaging Than Badasses

Superman is boring. He's too powerful, he may be a great symbol and I think it's a great concept but I just don't find superman engaging. Aside from convoluted corner cases he can accomplish almost anything sans risk.

I don't find Jedi engaging either. I'm not into superheros. My Conan is the vulnerable, human, literary one. I prefer the Ash of the first Evil Dead movie. I think Aliens kinda sucks compared to the Lovecraftian terror of Alien. I don't like it when a video or computer game is too easy, I prefer desperately conserving my ammunition while crawling behind cover a half mile away from the vastly superior enemy.

The Road Warrior. Indiana Jones. Snake Pliskin. James T. Kirk. Fors the "Star Mans Son." Hiero. Dirty Harry. Ripley. "Blondie" and "Tuco the Rat." These are the heroes I find engaging. They may have been high level characters, some even bad-asses, but they were human characters that often failed, often got hurt, and pretty much got to high level by using good tactics and consistently making the important saving throws. They were no Batman, Wolverine, Lobo, Lone Wolf or Rambo. They weren't perfect.

Perfection is boring in large doses.

I grew up on a steady diet of science fiction with plenty of adventure fiction. Most of this stuff was from the public and school libraries and generally it was old. They had a distinct smell. In many cases the artwork was almost alien in it's difference from the modern art I was used to. In most cases the protagonists of said fiction were "ordinary" people. Sure they may have been genius scientists or tough soldiers, but they were human, and they were frail in the way real people are. They could twist an ankle or break an arm. They plans could fail, catastrophically even. They often got lost deep in hostile wilderness without full kit. They got sick. They didn't want to get into a gunfight or even a two-on-one. They got beat up or overpowered and if they got shot they usually woke up in a hospital or tied to a chair in a basement.

That's what adventure meant to me as I grew up. That what I want when I play D&D.

I'm Going to Say Something Nice About Recent Editions of D&D

For the precision ballet of violence in computer games like X-COM, Fallout 1 & 2, and skilled Counterstrike play, as well as many action movies, 3rd Edition Dungeons & Dragons is an excellent rule set.

If you needed an RPG to simulate the long drawn out, up and down, back and forth showy battles of Professional Wrestling 4th Edition Dungeons & Dragons would be a perfect fit.