Thursday, December 15, 2011

The Walls Have Ears

By "The Gecko"
The Gecko here with from the luxurious offices of the prestigious YAM DOME so gather for the gossip going round regarding the greedy gold grabbing gangs of tomb-robbers and thrill-chasers that we "love" so much!

The little half-swashbuckler/half-child, Culumbo the Brave (Halfling 5), leader of Columbo's Corsairs, has been seen with the legendary defending shortsword of fairy tales, Stahlkurtan, handing at his side. Word has it that the little man has been defensive about the apparent demise of a certain "beloved by the community" "loud" "pious" colleague. Perhaps that explains why he seems witless of late; maybe he's been descending into "certain habits" to assuage his guilty conscience?

Speaking of adventuring children, the "Viperhearted" "Witch-Child" Floria Khazam (Magic-User 5) with the "sweet disposition" that makes her "oh-so popular" in the community apparently somehow has purchased a suite in the upscale market district of Yam City itself! Not bad for a lady who hasn't even menstrated! Word is that a certain recent debacle involving the previously mentioned "loud & pious" delver in the Fortress rattled her a wee bit and that perhaps she's lost her nerve for delves within it? Well, who could blame such a dainty little child for getting spooked… Regardless, word is that she's even angrier and meaner as of late due to the unfortunate fact that The Corsairs may have lost a fair amount of puissant magical loot that was being used by their lost compatriot?

The Thought-Long-Lost-Prodigal-Son Bonspiel (Cleric 4) made an unexpected reappearance on the scene for a delve into the Fortress; word has it that the expedition was as part of some sort diplomatic junket with representatives of foreign adventuring guild? The foreign representative, Carter (Thief 2) and the "Stature-Challenged" Dreg (Dwarf 1), apparently made a good impression with the locals (shocking! I know) and word has it that the local delvers want to continue relations with these new arrivals on the scene.

Congratulations to Yet-Another-Short-Adventurer Griswald (Fighter 3) for receiving certification as a Swordmaster after his part in the aforementioned delve; representative Carter also apparently attained the rank of Robber in the Thieves Guild after his trip as well. Hmm, some can't help but wonder if the the guilds might not have been being generous as a "political" gesture? Certainly that junket erned some good press in the adventuring circles…

"The Handsome One" With The Voice That We All Love, Ballard (Fighter 2), has also been seen with a Magic Sword of some repute slapping on his thigh (although word has it that certain female practitioners of "another profession" have been lining to do the same as of late, and gratis to boot!), the Savage-Slaughterer-of-the-Slithering-Serpent-Things-Scimitar Scalesplitter! Apparently the golden boy is so flush with ensorcelled blades that he gave one to The Agonizingly-Boring Tangroth The Tepid (Fighter 1)! (When is a monster going to shut that guy up! Did his mother have any children that lived?) I guess Ballard is such a wildly successful adventurer that he's tripping over magic items in his cubicle at the Tarn Travellers Aid Society? Maybe he was feeling generous after an apparent brush-with death with an oversize Gecko? Hey, don't look at me friend; your buddy "The" Gecko had nothing to do with that mischief…

Anyways, word is that "The Mountain" Himself, Mustafa Mushafar was the Mercenary Brother that rescued both Ballard and Tangroth The Boring (Why did he save that guy? He must have been fishing for a tip…) after his "Charming" & "Not-At-All-Creepy" "Colleague" Bugoso " (Magic-User 2) left both of them to the tender mercies of those giant lizards after the scaly rascals ate one of the legs of the Former Adventurer And Now Lizard Food Mizenkine, who has just reached the rank of Warrior with the guilds. Let that be a lesson about getting cocky, careless, sloppy and dead after your first taste of advancement rookies!

Speaking of the Tarn Travellers Aid Society, word is that they've been making overtures to a certain "Invincible Overlord" about offering flights to adventurers in a certain "City-State." Word is that the proposal was meet with a less-than-overwhelming reception by a certain H.T.D…

The Geriatric And "Courageous" "One-Armed-Bandit" Mern The Blue (Magic-User 2) was seen in The Iron Temple recently; the buzz among the temple slaves is that he accepted some suicide mission to recover the remains of Saint Sangromar from the depths below the Fortress. Word is that they're guarded by something called a "Valpir." Our oh-so-educated "expert" sources tell us that "We think it's some sort of Vampire-Demon." Thanks guys, that why we pay you the big gold…

2 comments:

  1. WHY IS DANNY DEVITO TALKING TO ME WHEN HE IS NOT HERE MAKE IT STOP

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  2. Holy crap! Your comment + It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia just gave me a NPC concept...

    ReplyDelete