Firestorm Coming Closer - Napalm To The Bone / The Claw!

Nowadays 99% of the music I listen to is Motorhead. I listen to Motorhead to keep awake on my way to work. I listen to Motorhead when I'm about to come uncunted with the endless shit buffet of work. I listen to Motorhead when I'm trying to stay awake on my way home from work. I listen to Motorhead to get psyched up on my way to write night exams.

There's 3 reasons I can't stop smoking. Work, school and Motorhead. When I need guidance from a higher power I play a random Motorhead song. When the missus gives me hell for wearing trashed clothes I'm confused, they'd be good enough for someone in Motorhead to wear.




THE CLAW

This magic item appears to be a heavy articulated gauntlet of rusty iron adorned with images of skulls, chains, iron crosses and some sort of helmed, tusked boar-monster.

Once every night the wearer may select a member of the opposite sex (or of the same gender if they are of homosexual or bisexual inclination); the wearer will have an 18 charisma in regards to their target until dawn, who must also make a save vs. spells or fall under the equivalent of a charm person spell until dawn while also disregarding all current romantic and/or sexual partners.

When worn The Claw functions as a +1 magic weapon, striking for 2-7 points of damage.

[A-Z Blogging Challenge] A is for The Sword is AWESOME!

I'm going to have to eat a bit of crow with this blog post. My family has a long history of "worthless Christmas gifts" from the year of multiple copies of "Dragons of Autumn Twilight," to the early nineties when I got one of those Lollapaloser flimsy sleeveless flannel shirts with an attached flimsy hood (because I liked punk rock...) and the "$25 worth of Costco gift certificates" debacle (great, a present that means I have to wait in line forever to buy a giant box of granola bars). Oh well, it's not like one should expect their parents to get them Sodom vinyl LPs and early OOP TSR products.

So this year my sister, bless her square heart, got me a copy of The Sword's "Warp Riders" for Christmas as "Blair likes metal." Yeah Blair likes metal... the same way Jamie Mal likes Dungeons & Dragons. Blair likes primitive, bestial low-fi thrash, doom, sludge, grindcore, black metal, power violence...you get the picture.

So, of course, I was less than enthused with that gift, although my making lemonade out of lemons reaction was "Well a fair amount of my friends are hipster-ish so I can just re-gift it whenever I hear of a birthday..."

Today I had to take the day off work due to a strained back; after my 11 am wake-n-bake I was restless, bored and lookign for something to entertain me. I spotted my copy of "Warp Riders" gathering dust and thought "Why don't I put this on and laugh my ass off at how slick and false it is!", the metal-nerd version of Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

Well, although the production was slicker than what I was used to, after a few minutes I was sucked in! I really let my "underground nuclear goat chaos punk hessian" stance interfere with enjoying some awesome music, as this album really kicks ass!

This band really has it all: awesome riffs & hooks, psychedelic space fantasy lyrics, and lush production that propels you on nebulae of pot smoke through the cosmos!

I really learned my lesson about being judgmental about "bands not being underground enough," and I have already discovered a bunch of awesome new bands on youtube like Priestess, Queens of the Stone Age, Muse and Probot just from looking at music with an open mind, and I encourage you to do the same.

I know that when I resume DMing Planet Algol games that The Sword "Warp Riders" will be the official album of the Planet Algol campaign, and I encourage all of you to check out this kickass band.

Now here's a little random table of "The Sword Inspired Plot Hooks"

1 - Tres Brujas - The party encounters three witches, are they potential allies or adversaries?
2 - Warp Riders - The party finds a downed starcraft, do they dare to ride the warp?
3 - Night City - The party arrives at a city ...where it is always night!
4 - Arrows in the Dark - Out of the darkness arrows fly at the party ...what is this ambush?!?!
5 - The Chronomancer, Pt. 1: Hubris - The party encounters a sorcerer with unusual time-manipulating magic, however he/she suffers from hubris!
6 - Lawless Lands - In their travels the party has to cross a land without any lawful authority...danger and crime abounds!
7 - Acheron/Unearthing the Orb - The party comes across a party of archaeologists studying ancient Acheronian ruins ...and they have just discovered a mysterious orb!
8 - Astraea's Dream - An NPC, names Astraea, just had a mysterious dream that bodes of adventure for the party!
9 - The Chronomancer, Pt. 2: Nemesis - The party encounters a time-manipulating sorcerer who is being hunted by another time-manipulating  adversary who seeks to punish them for their hubris!
10 - (The Night The Sky) Cried Tears of Fire - After sunset storm clouds gather; the clouds...they look like embers...why is the lightning flaming? Oh gods no...the rain..it burns!

The Jewel Throne Zine

"... to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandalled feet...."

- Robert E. Howard

"Once prayed to my gods, searching for the whistled memories
Empty eyes are staring now, to my feet a land of sorrow
I'm the king, sitting in the dark hiding from the shadows of the wind
Wafts of might, wine of fire, I was called to taste

Silver horses brought us here, to the edge of the universe
We left the falling walls as the stars' collapse began
Now I rest on the highest steps, revealed the eternal frontier
As I gaze from the Jewel Throne to the portal of infinity

Fallen have the "chosen ones", debris remain in the dust
Far behind, beyond the sands, the wind sings to those who fell
Forever now, my hands laid down the poisoned weapons
I will pray to my gods, searching for the mysteries"

- Thomas G. Warrior

As I've previously mentioned, I've been mulling over doing a RPG zine as a means of getting past the stress related burnout that's been plaguing me recently (speaking of stress, as I was writing this my boss phoned me to talk about possibly being laid off, good grief!), and with the positive reaction it has elicited (and the possibility of having a buttload of free time soon) I've decided to do so.

I presented a selection of names for the zine I had been considering, and "Jewel Throne" won by a considerable landslide with two votes. Although I'm sure Netherwerks will be gratified to see that I managed to work a Black Ziggurat into the logo.

This zine will be digest sized, done in a underground metal/punk style, with dodgy illustartion by myself, and will focus of sword & sorcery, weird fantasy, science fantasy, post-apocalyptic, and science fiction gaming. The intention is to present a selection of D&D-compatible resources in those genres...one-page sandboxes, mini-dungeons, monsters, spells, technological artifacts, random tables, and so forth. Although I would like to include material compatible with Runquest, Call of Cthulhu, Traveller, and other great RPGs, both old and new.

My original intent was to do this as a free-to-download present to the community. Now, with the potential of impending financial hardship, I'm reconsidering this solely as a means of mitigating the aforementioned scenario.

Several of you expressed interest in contributing; originally I was wildly enthusiastic about that, but with the possibility of this being a for-(meager)profit venture I can certainly understand any that would wish to rescind their offer; however, anyone who did contribute would, if it ends up not being a free-to-download production, receive fair compensation for their effort.

My plan is to begin working on material, with a two-week deadline before commencing with layout and than publishing in some form or other. If I end up printing this myself I have some ideas regarding pull-out maps that could be quite nice.

I'd love to hear any feedback regarding this project. Suggestion, criticisms, it is all welcome.

Celebrating Frog Week - Glen Danzigbatrachia

"This just reminded me about the halloween session we played a couple years back where the only music was Misfits & Danzig. Good times."

- Sean/Dudebrid

In honor of American Barbarica's Frog Week I present the following NPC for your campaigns...
(actually I was just grasping for an excuse to post more Danzig videos...)

Glen Danzigbatrachia (oldschool version)
13th level Neutral Evil Frog/Cambion Magic-User (with unarmed attack abilities of a 13th level Monk)
Hit Points: 76
STR: 18/99, INT: 16.66, WIS: 16.66, DEX 16.66, CON: 18, CHA: 25
Magic Items:
Black sleeveless "Robin Hood" shirt that protects as +3 plate.
Badass gloves loaded with evil lead powder, allows Glen to make unarmed attacks as if his fists are +3 weapons
Inverted cross/horned frog skull amulet that allows Glen to control all female Devils and Demons on his current plane of existence, and also allows him to "cavort" with them without any risk of level drain or disease.

Glen Danzigbatrachia (contemporary version)
1st level Evil Frog (believes he is a Frog/Tiefling) Infernal Pact Warlock
Hit Points: 33 or some other ridiculous number
STR: jiggling, INT: questionable, WIS: does not know when to give up, DEX: falls off stages easily, CON: glass jaw, balding, CHA: pathetic, hair plugs
Daily Power: Jump ship to industrial/goth sound
Encounter Power: Lose voice and get audience to cover for it
At Will Powers: Jiggle, Breath Heavily, Tolerate Nu-Metal
Magic Items:
Shirt made out of pantyhose or black rubber, grants -3 on reaction rolls from fans of classic Danzig material.
Drum machine, ensures all musical output sucks.

NOTE: Although Danzig doesn't have much to do with D&D (aside from Metal!) the older material perfectly straddles the line between "Awesome" and "Ridiculous," in the same vein of Encounter Critical and the like as evidenced by the below videos:


(Years ago I went through an "Obsessed With Danzig" phase where I tried to use Danzig lyrics in everyday conversation as much as possible, for example when a friend asked "How was your date last night?" I'd reply "Pretty good, I slept under Her Black Wings if you know what I mean...")


(Back in my "Single Young Man On The Prowl" days I would listen to this song before a date to GET PUMPED! I'm going to stop now with these pathetic anecdotes...)




Every Danzig Video features "Evil Hoochie Mamas!" From the comments: "Wow, a black demon chick!"

The Sound of Battling Bestial Mutants in a Ruined Burning City