WE ARE 138!!! and a Quick Idea for Gaming Tekumel...

138 followers that is; you haveno idea how long I've been waiting to post this video. Now I can go back to not carring about the numbers.

Anyways, it struck me today that one of the grievances against gaming in Tekumel is that "it would be a confusing exercise in anthropology-porn" or some nonesense.

Now I love Tekumel; I love reading about Tekumel; but I don't care one bit about understanding the whole of Tekumel and expressing it properly.

To me Tekumel is a Jack Vance novel. Everyone looks like a character from Apocalypto or the Bhadava Ghita but meanwhile there's a whole lot of polite verbal swordplay a la PG Woodehouse and The Importance of Being Ernest going on. Hereby comes the integral conflict of Tekumel: it's a bunch of painted dudes with feathers stuck through their noses (who are totally into the impalements, human sacrifices, bloodsports and ritualized warfare) that are immersed in a seething Comedy of Manners.

In my imagination every human on Tekumel speaks with a sterotypical, olde tyme "British Upper Class Twit" accent. Ahhogya have some sort of "Uhg! Guvnehr!" labourer accent, etc. Conversations are as follow:

"Pardon me for this unseemly interruption my good sir. I must apolgize but we are woefully unfamiliar with your delighful city and were wondring if you could be kind enough to provide directions?"

"Gentlemen, your termerity is appalling! Surely you must be aware that accosting a personage of my station is considered a grave assault upon decency. You mustl hold me blamless whilst you are writhing upon on the impalement stakes as society itself demands such consequences."

"There must be some misunderstanding? We are only seeking direct... Sir! Please unhand me sir! Gentle lord, could you please order your employees to unhand us? I believe there has been some misund... AAARRGHHHHUGHHHHH!!!! THE PAIN OF IMPALMENT!!!! MY BOWELS!!!!"

Celebrating Frog Week - Glen Danzigbatrachia

"This just reminded me about the halloween session we played a couple years back where the only music was Misfits & Danzig. Good times."

- Sean/Dudebrid

In honor of American Barbarica's Frog Week I present the following NPC for your campaigns...
(actually I was just grasping for an excuse to post more Danzig videos...)

Glen Danzigbatrachia (oldschool version)
13th level Neutral Evil Frog/Cambion Magic-User (with unarmed attack abilities of a 13th level Monk)
Hit Points: 76
STR: 18/99, INT: 16.66, WIS: 16.66, DEX 16.66, CON: 18, CHA: 25
Magic Items:
Black sleeveless "Robin Hood" shirt that protects as +3 plate.
Badass gloves loaded with evil lead powder, allows Glen to make unarmed attacks as if his fists are +3 weapons
Inverted cross/horned frog skull amulet that allows Glen to control all female Devils and Demons on his current plane of existence, and also allows him to "cavort" with them without any risk of level drain or disease.

Glen Danzigbatrachia (contemporary version)
1st level Evil Frog (believes he is a Frog/Tiefling) Infernal Pact Warlock
Hit Points: 33 or some other ridiculous number
STR: jiggling, INT: questionable, WIS: does not know when to give up, DEX: falls off stages easily, CON: glass jaw, balding, CHA: pathetic, hair plugs
Daily Power: Jump ship to industrial/goth sound
Encounter Power: Lose voice and get audience to cover for it
At Will Powers: Jiggle, Breath Heavily, Tolerate Nu-Metal
Magic Items:
Shirt made out of pantyhose or black rubber, grants -3 on reaction rolls from fans of classic Danzig material.
Drum machine, ensures all musical output sucks.

NOTE: Although Danzig doesn't have much to do with D&D (aside from Metal!) the older material perfectly straddles the line between "Awesome" and "Ridiculous," in the same vein of Encounter Critical and the like as evidenced by the below videos:


(Years ago I went through an "Obsessed With Danzig" phase where I tried to use Danzig lyrics in everyday conversation as much as possible, for example when a friend asked "How was your date last night?" I'd reply "Pretty good, I slept under Her Black Wings if you know what I mean...")


(Back in my "Single Young Man On The Prowl" days I would listen to this song before a date to GET PUMPED! I'm going to stop now with these pathetic anecdotes...)




Every Danzig Video features "Evil Hoochie Mamas!" From the comments: "Wow, a black demon chick!"