Fellow-Blogger and/or Internet-Acquaintance,
I've been reading your blog for a while, and recently when I clicked my bookmark for it and I recieved the blogspot 404 orange-beige-and-blue staring me right in the eyes. Needless to say I was confused; did I click the wrong bookmark? Did China hack blogspot? Oh wait... I've seen this before... Far too many times...
Hey, I get it, blogging is kind of a geeky, masturbatory time-suck. And BlasTeR_WvlF1986 has been really grinding and sniping at you on both the BullseyeLantern and the ZagygTemple messageboards. But, aside from the fact that I liked reading your blog, there's this one thing...
That Shoggoth Generation table; it was a piece of art! I could get everything from a member of the Cleanup Crew to a Mr. Shiny to a Blob-Kaiju using it. I really need that Shoggoth Generation table for this dungeon level I'm working on...I made the map with your table in mind!
Plus there's also that Uppity NPC Table, and Random Minor PC Humiliations Matrix, and your stats for The Headless Horseman, and that Bowels of the Worm God dungeon, and...
...Anyways, if you want to take a sabbatical or retire from blogging, that's certainly your prerogative, but please don't euthanize all of that useful content you produced! I'm sure you could easily erase the fingerprints and serial numbers off of your blog and leave the corpse floating in the internet for us scavengers to pick at. Your so graciously freely-shared creative output was appreciated, greatly appreciated!
EDIT: Joe-Sky Tax,
d10 Random "Romantic" Misadventures Table
1 - Birthmark reveals that she/he is your sister/brother!
2 - You're unable to perform and cruelly mocked for that by paramour.
3 - Premature. Way too premature. As above.
4 - Overprotective relative bursts in, menacing wackiness ensues!
5 - Everything seems fine...for 1d20 days. Better see a physician to irrigate your urethra with sulphur and quicksilver!
6 - Oh wait, afterwards it appears that she/he was expecting financial recompense for making the beast with two backs with you,
7 - She/he seemed normal, but now wants something illegal before they will "party."
8 - Turns out she/he was a serial killer (or bounty hunter)... d12 for assassin level!
9 - She/he was the princess/prince in disguise; not a fairy-tale, the consequences if the wrong party learns of this could be potentially lethal.
10 - Was a virgin; 01-50% - it is Really Really Awkward, and they seem distraught afterwards, 51-00% unleashes some inconvenient or catastrophic curse, transformation or prophecy...she/he was THE ONE!
Showing posts with label Editorializing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Editorializing. Show all posts
Monday, March 7, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
(RPG-related) Hate List!!
1. When someone is playing D&D for the very first time and they play anything but a Fighter. Learn how to walk before trying to run buddy, you're really going to be chafing playing a 2 hp magic-user after using your magic missile in the first encounter with two rats...
2. When someone from the group's girlfriend/boyfriend/partner is playing D&D for the very first time and they play a Chaotic Neutral Thief that tries shoplifting torches from the general store in the home base town, and running off to explore in the middle of combat, and you can't regulate or decapitate their character due to "diplomatic concerns."
3. Someone who has never played D&D and "Just wants to watch a game"; It is the worst fucking thing ever as they have always been completely incapable of not continuously disrupting the game, never shutting up with their interjections or exclamations of, for example, "I just don't understand what's going on!" ad infinitum. My rule #1: If you're not playing...you can't be in the room" Oddly/counterintuitively enough, playing in public in a coffee shop has completely hassle/interruption free in my experience. If you're going to be asking a million questions...you might as well be playing.
4. Players wasting time hunting for their misplaced die instead of grabbing one of the many suitable polyhedrals belonging to other players within reach and getting the roll out of the way. This is especially egregious when someone can't find their D20...IT SHOULD BE "FAST DRAW READY" ALL THE TIME!
5. Players that do math out loud: Player: "I rolled a 16", DM: "You hit", "Player "With a +2 bonus for strength that's 17," DM: "You still hit...", Player: "And with +1 for my magic sword that's 18", DM: "YOU MISS!! ROCKS FALL..YOU DIE!!"
6. Players that cast a spell before being familiar with or reading the spell description, Player: "I cast Enlarge on myself and than pick up the castle!", DM: "You are 40% larger...you now are 7 feet tall", Player: "So do I pick up the castle?" RTFSD: Read The Fucking Spell Description
7. Player that never quit whining about wanting to use something from a splatbook in a core-only game, or something that has been houseruled out of the game; "Without a fullblade my character is useless!" ... "Without a spiked chain my character is useless!"..."If I can't play a Psion my character is useless!". This is especially awful when the player is new to D&D and they have a "Grima Wormtongue" munchkin cheese powergamer telling them what kind of character to play.
8. When a player tries something that would never, ever work in the real world* and get huffy when it doesn't work the in the game. Player: "I tie one end of the 100 foot rope to the bridge, the other end to my ankle, jump off the bridge, and attack the plesiosaur in the gorge 100 feet below with my sword!" DM: "Are you sure you want to do that? It will take more than one round to get your rope out and tie it to the bridge and yourself...", Player "WHAT! Jesus christ...that's so unfair...I already had the rope out!"[a couple of rounds later] DM "You plunge off the bridge 100' feet, and than with a horrendous jerk you take 16 points of damage as your leg dislocates from its socket before the rope snaps plunging you into the rapids with the plesiosaur", Player 'WHAT! THAT'S BULLSHIT!!"
9. When Players "ADD Teleport" while in town. Player #1 "I go to the brothel and spend all night with the classiest doxy," Player #2 "I go to the alchemist's" DM "Character #1 is charged 200 go for the night, Character #2 is offered some potions of healing..." Player #1 "I BUY ALL OF THE POTIONS OF HEALING!!!"
2. When someone from the group's girlfriend/boyfriend/partner is playing D&D for the very first time and they play a Chaotic Neutral Thief that tries shoplifting torches from the general store in the home base town, and running off to explore in the middle of combat, and you can't regulate or decapitate their character due to "diplomatic concerns."
3. Someone who has never played D&D and "Just wants to watch a game"; It is the worst fucking thing ever as they have always been completely incapable of not continuously disrupting the game, never shutting up with their interjections or exclamations of, for example, "I just don't understand what's going on!" ad infinitum. My rule #1: If you're not playing...you can't be in the room" Oddly/counterintuitively enough, playing in public in a coffee shop has completely hassle/interruption free in my experience. If you're going to be asking a million questions...you might as well be playing.
4. Players wasting time hunting for their misplaced die instead of grabbing one of the many suitable polyhedrals belonging to other players within reach and getting the roll out of the way. This is especially egregious when someone can't find their D20...IT SHOULD BE "FAST DRAW READY" ALL THE TIME!
5. Players that do math out loud: Player: "I rolled a 16", DM: "You hit", "Player "With a +2 bonus for strength that's 17," DM: "You still hit...", Player: "And with +1 for my magic sword that's 18", DM: "YOU MISS!! ROCKS FALL..YOU DIE!!"
6. Players that cast a spell before being familiar with or reading the spell description, Player: "I cast Enlarge on myself and than pick up the castle!", DM: "You are 40% larger...you now are 7 feet tall", Player: "So do I pick up the castle?" RTFSD: Read The Fucking Spell Description
7. Player that never quit whining about wanting to use something from a splatbook in a core-only game, or something that has been houseruled out of the game; "Without a fullblade my character is useless!" ... "Without a spiked chain my character is useless!"..."If I can't play a Psion my character is useless!". This is especially awful when the player is new to D&D and they have a "Grima Wormtongue" munchkin cheese powergamer telling them what kind of character to play.
8. When a player tries something that would never, ever work in the real world* and get huffy when it doesn't work the in the game. Player: "I tie one end of the 100 foot rope to the bridge, the other end to my ankle, jump off the bridge, and attack the plesiosaur in the gorge 100 feet below with my sword!" DM: "Are you sure you want to do that? It will take more than one round to get your rope out and tie it to the bridge and yourself...", Player "WHAT! Jesus christ...that's so unfair...I already had the rope out!"[a couple of rounds later] DM "You plunge off the bridge 100' feet, and than with a horrendous jerk you take 16 points of damage as your leg dislocates from its socket before the rope snaps plunging you into the rapids with the plesiosaur", Player 'WHAT! THAT'S BULLSHIT!!"
9. When Players "ADD Teleport" while in town. Player #1 "I go to the brothel and spend all night with the classiest doxy," Player #2 "I go to the alchemist's" DM "Character #1 is charged 200 go for the night, Character #2 is offered some potions of healing..." Player #1 "I BUY ALL OF THE POTIONS OF HEALING!!!"
* Yeah, I know it's a fantasy game about dragons and magic...but I've got my limits dude... EDIT: And the above example would have a decent chance of succeeding if I was Journey-Mastering an Encounter Critical game!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Cursed Magic Item - Sword Handle Umbrella
AKA - Eventually Someone is Going to Get Shot by a Police Officer *
These items appear to be an umbrella with a sword handle instead of the usual umbrella handle. If used as a weapon they inflict 0-3 points of damage on a hit. These items are actually cursed: the bearer will operate under the misapprehension that this item grants a +3 bonus to charisma whereas the bearer's charisma will actually be halved (round down). The DM must make a reaction roll whenever the bearer encounters guards, bouncers and other security personnel. On a result of "hostile" the aforementioned security personnel will assume that the sword handle umbrella bearer is reaching for an actual sword and will attack with lethal force.
* I'm not badmouthing Tenkar or any other public safety personnel here...carrying an umbrella that looks like a sword is just plain stupid.
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