Why Sleep and Web Get Saving Throws When I DM...

...because you better damn well believe that I run adversary NPC Magic-Users like a goddamn shark. And if they had access to an "I Win" button they would use it.

Magic goes both ways, but even I'm not that cold-blooded.

Besides, my players love throwing sleep spells at opponents with too high a HD for sleep to affect or that otherwise are immune; why not preserve the confusion by giving the monsters a saving throw?

Being a Better DM: Blair's Version

1) Read Jack Vance.

2) MASH - Keep the game moving; keep things fast. Make up a ruling on the spot instead of wasting everybody's time looking stuff up and heming and hawing. Get the viking hat on and steamroller the game forward. If there's a rules lawyer or whiner in your group that's cramping your style, '86 them. If a player isn't paying attention or listening and keeps holding up the game let them know that you're always right, to get their shit together, and MASH on through/over them. If someone is holding up the start of the game while fussing over naming their character or buying equipment have everybody at the table STARE at them and let them know that they're being an asshole. To quote from Savage Worlds, Fast Furious and Fun. I persecute and harass and implement punitive houserules to get the players to the sessions by a reasonable time. A guy who plays in a buddy's game keeps hinting that he'd like to play in my game; he always show's up to my buddy's game hours after everyone else, there's no way I'm going to put up with that crap! I wasn't happy to do this, but I had to ask a friend to leave my game because he couldn't keep up with the other players. It was nothing personal, but he was holding up the game and I MASH.

3) Be Unmerciful. You forgot to buy torches and you got seperated from the party? Well, I guess you're fucked. Nobody wrote down the 5,000 gp gem? Well I guess it was lost. You didn't write down your XP from last session? Well I guess you'll remember next time. The dice say your favorite PC just ate it? Well I guess this is goodbye. You rolled a crap set of ability scores? So did I for my Red Box Vancouver character, and that PC is one of my favorite characters; deal with it. The point isn't to be a dick, the point is so that people are engaged, pay attention, hustle, and have to be so in order for their PCs to survive and thrive.

Believe me, when I'm DMing I'm a combination of Nethack, Captain Bligh, Larry David and Kali. I revel in mayhem, confusion, and horrendous death. But I don't do it to be a jerk or fuck over players; I do it because I love my players and I love my game, and have too much respect for both of them to play kindergarten softball. This isn't World of Warcraft, this isn't T-ball, this isn't Chutes and Ladders; this is Dungeons and fucking Dragons, so you damn well better hustle and sweat and think and pay attention in order to keep your character's head above water blood.

And from what I gather my players quite enjoy playing in my games, and I'm also very grateful for their participation. Thanks guys...you're the best!

Don't Be Cheap With the Lighting/Your Characters Should Die If They're Not Prepared...

I was DMing Red Box Vancouveron Wednesday and the party was exploring a dungeon. Getting a NPC henchman to carry a torch is a pretty wise idea; they usually have the hit points of a paper bag and all. However, having the NPC henchman being your only light source can really bite you in the ass when a monster uses a fear effect and the torch carrying NPC (who runs faster than everyone else due to wearing leather armor) splits from the party to flee the dungeon with the light source. Although the cutpurse pup was eaten, it wasn't a total debacle as the "two 18s" hobbit only ended losing some ability points from a slit throat and the 3rd level dwarf also lost some ability points and had his left arm and leg eaten by troglodytes (Death and dismemberment table house rules).

In my experiences as a DM players are notoriously cheap with their lighting situation whilst underground. They try and BS and play dumb regarding their light sources; they try tying torches to or putting candles on their helmets; even if they're in the middle of the party they'd rather give away their left kidney that use one hand to hold a torch.

Although I draw the line at nonsense like attaching torches and candles to helmets ("It will pretty much get knocked off by every doorway when you're in a hurry or fall off in every fight... do you really want me inflicting nonsense like that on your PC?"); tip regarding playing when Blair is a DM: "Aside from exceptions for magic, FTL travel, and monsters, if it wouldn't work in real life it won't work in my game and/or will totally fuck over your PC in a pivotal moment." And yeah, I'm of the opinion that you can parry with a shield in your left hand or you can hold a torch in your left hand but you can't do both at the same hand (you have to hold onto the handle of the shield with your hand, see...).

Some people would say I'm not being fun, that I don't get fantasy, that I'm being a dick DM; I say that I'm expecting the world I DM to operate according to someting vaguely like the real world while also presenting the players with tactical challenges.

Now when I'm playing I take every opportunity to spam Continual Lights on pebbles and coins ("Hey party cleric, since we're going to be holed up in this inn for seven days could you make seven continual light pebbles? Thanks!"). I will actually forgoe carrying a shield to *gasp* carry a torch AND a sword. I insist that multiple members of the party carry light sources. And under optimal conditions in dungeons I do something I call the "Road Flare System."

Torches are dirt cheap; they burn for an hour; they illuminate as well as (or in AD&D better than) a lantern; and unlike a lantern you can drop them without burning oil getting everywhere. So I use them up like candy in dungeons. I throw a lit torch into every corner of a big room if we're going to be hanging out in it. If I think we're going to have to beat a hasty retreat out of a dungeon while we're on a focused penetration I may very well leave a burning torch every 30 feet along the exit route. If my PC is part of the "reserve forces" (which every party should have!) during a fight I'll spend a couple of rounds throwing torches about so the battlefield is clearly lit and we can perhaps see if anything is sneaking up on us.

In my years of DMing and playing D&D I've said a million times that "you need to always carry food, water, a light source, a means of igniting said light source, a ranged weapon, and a dagger/knife. ALWAYS." And there's nothing more hilarious than a PC dying because they didn't have a light source or they didn't have a flint and steel to light their light source. And I've seen that happen a ton of times.

In D&D your characters should die if they're not prepared. You need to think like a Boy Scout, a Boy Scout that kills monsters undergorund for their money.

If you are an adventurer going underground to fight monsters... don't cheap out on the lighting; that's seriously amateur hour clownshoes nonsense.

Houserule - Latecomers Shall Be Splintered

Once per session a player may, upon their character taking damage from any source or failing a saving throw, choose to transfer the damage or effect of the failed saving throw to the character of the player who was the last to show up for the session, was unreasonably late, and thereby held up the scheduled start of the game; exceptions may be made for players who responsibly inform the group that they will be late due to reasonable reasons such a work or school (but not hangovers and the like) at the DM's discretion.

Example:

Bob's Fighting-Man falls into a 30' foot deep pit; the DM informs Bob that his character takes 15 points of damage.

Bob chooses to take adavantage of "Latecomers Shall Be Splintered" and transfers the damage to Harry's Magic-User as Harry showed up an hour-and-a-half later than the other players due to being at the beach.

The DM states "As Bob's fighting man tumbles into the pit he flails his arms around trying to grab a handhold and instead grabs the robe of Harry's Magic-User pulling into the pit as well. As the two tumble down the shaft somehow Harry's Magic-User ends up beneath Bob's Fighting-Man and his body cushions the imapact upon the Fighting-Man ameliorating the damage. Also Harry's Magic-User is now dead."

See also "When You Arrive" Houserule

A Question Regarding Dungeonmastering...

In your opinion...

If a DM has in their dungeon an obviously ominous door bearing the unambiguous image of Cthulhu (and the players are Cthulhu-literate), and if/when the PCs open the door a Cthulhu is behind the door with all the attendant risks (insanity, death, TPK)...

Is the DM being a jerk?