Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Butts, Dongs and Gazoombas in RPG Art Wishlist

Recently there have a been a few online discussions & kerfuffles about what kind of artwork is appropriate in rpgs, with subjects such as gore, nudity, and the like being issues.

Now, with everyone being different, people have different standards regarding what kind of artwork is appropriate in a rpg product. Unfortunately, I'm not World Dictator yet, so nobody is being forced to play rpgs or read these books; but it seems reasonable that there is room for both "G-rated" products, and "Adult" ones as well. By adult, I'm not talking about SLAUGHTER PORN!, but works that assume that the reader is an adult.

With that all taken care of, as a guy with an appreciation for loutish, lowbrow humour, here are some illustrations I would LOVE to see in an "Adult" RPG product:

- Someone pooping in the forest, with a bare butt, and a snake or giant centipede biting them in said butt. Of course this poor sap would have a shocked/horrified expression.

- A dude running and swordfighting, butt-naked, with his dong swinging about Corben-style. I'm imagining a Cassanova/Lieber story gone wrong...the protagonist is running and fighting his way across a manor roof through an army of angry brothers with a terrified "Oh my god! I'm in it now! I'm fighting naked on a rooftop!" look on his face.

- Some cavewomen or lady headhunters with those dangling National Geographic boobs...and some disappointed looking explorers.

- A pervy looking magic-user using invisibility to spy on a bathing lady.

- Something like the Wolf Witch sequence from Conan the Barbarian or a Succubus visitation, but going absolutely horrible for the poor guy...he's scratched all to hell, trying to scramble out of the pile of sleeping furs, meanwhile the supernatural hoochie mama is cackling with lightning shooting out of her ears.

- Many folks have complained that they'd like to see more women in rpg products depicted as something other than Pamela Andersen in a chainmail bikini. I agree with these folks. I'd also like to see some women in rpgs products depicted with Big Butts...and I don't mean the hourglass figures that 95% of rpg illo women have. I mean the Big Butts that many real life women have. Not that I'm a crazed, gigantic ass fetishist or anything.

- An adventurer, dripping with riches, back from an expedition, in a tavern, trying to put the moves on the buxom tavern wenches...who are laughing at him ...he's humiliated ...they're pointing and laughing, tears running down their faces ...everyone's laughing at him.

Of course, I imagine all of these illustration in Poag-vision. Sweet, sweet, lurid, grotesque Poag-vision.

13 comments:

  1. Those all would be classic! If only R. Crumb had been a rpg artist.

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  2. No problem, as Stefan Poag IS the rpg Robert Crumb! I wish more publishers could recognize how awesome he is!

    (And give him total free reign - no arm chair "art direction" pleez.)

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  3. Having women adventurers look like women adventurers and not fashion models posing for adolescents would be cool.

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  4. This was a hilarious post, and made me think of some new spells... but I'll stop now.

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  5. I don't get the whole "we don't like boobies in our D&D" thing, I mean, Succubi and Ent weenies have been there since the old days we are all trying so hard to remember, right?

    I dig girls with big butts in real life so I fully back this proposition.

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  6. It seems like the people who want "less" of the chainmail bikini type art actually want "none", and ignore all the non-bikini women art that is in RPGs. Just an observation.

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  7. hah, I was imagining your descriptions with Poag's style before you mentioned him at the bottom ;) Maybe he should do a "Naked Blades and Dark Tunnels" dungeon-art book...

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  8. I think Fantastic Planet could scratch a few items off your wish list. Not exactly Poag, but...icky...just the same.

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  9. I'm both honored and somewhat worried that I seem to have become the "go to" guy for pictures of wangs hanging out, etc. This is probably based on a relatively small number of my drawings, but, hey, if there's gold in them hills I ought to dig for it.

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  10. PS: Thanks! You guys made my day!

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  11. IF THIS IS FOR A VOTE THAN I CHOOSE BAZOOMBAS IF THAT MEANS
    BOOBS.

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  12. "A dude running and swordfighting, butt-naked, with his dong swinging about Corben-style. I'm imagining a Cassanova/Lieber story gone wrong...the protagonist is running and fighting his way across a manor roof through an army of angry brothers with a terrified 'Oh my god! I'm in it now! I'm fighting naked on a rooftop!' look on his face."

    This happened in a recent 2SA playtest. The setting was, well, Biblical Palestine/Dumas France. My swordsman, Valentine, and his partner, Soteria, were in the palace Herod the Great granted to Salome. Our goal? To steal the head of John the Baptist.

    So while Salome had an orgy downstairs, with Soteria distracting her, Valentine had to sneak up the wall and find the preacher's head. He wrapped it in a stolen sheet and looked for a way out.

    Unfortunately, dodging guards, he ended up right in the orgy room. And then the husband came home unexpectedly, with some of his friends among the Cardinal's men.

    Trying to help out Soteria while the couple squabbled, Valentine tossed her the sheet to cover up...

    ...and wouldn't you know it, that was when the head started preaching. The resulting chase was rather a mess.

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  13. " I'd also like to see some women in rpgs products depicted with Big Butts.."

    I endorse this idea wholeheartedly. And thank you for capitalising it, as ever it should be.

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