Thursday, March 25, 2010

Celebrating Frog Week - Glen Danzigbatrachia

"This just reminded me about the halloween session we played a couple years back where the only music was Misfits & Danzig. Good times."
- Sean/Dudebrid
In honor of American Barbarica's Frog Week I present the following NPC for your campaigns...
(actually I was just grasping for an excuse to post more Danzig videos...)

Glen Danzigbatrachia
(oldschool version)
13th level Neutral Evil Frog/Cambion Magic-User (with unarmed attack abilities of a 13th level Monk)
Hit Points: 76
STR: 18/99, INT: 16.66, WIS: 16.66, DEX 16.66, CON: 18, CHA: 25
Magic Items:
Black sleeveless "Robin Hood" shirt that protects as +3 plate.
Badass gloves loaded with evil lead powder, allows Glen to make unarmed attacks as if his fists are +3 weapons
Inverted cross/horned frog skull amulet that allows Glen to control all female Devils and Demons on his current plane of existence, and also allows him to "cavort" with them without any risk of level drain or disease.

Glen Danzigbatrachia (contemporary version)
1st level Evil Frog (believes he is a Frog/Tiefling) Infernal Pact Warlock
Hit Points: 33 or some other ridiculous number
STR: jiggling, INT: questionable, WIS: does not know when to give up, DEX: falls off stages easily, CON: glass jaw, balding, CHA: pathetic, hair plugs
Daily Power: Jump ship to industrial/goth sound
Encounter Power: Lose voice and get audience to cover for it
At Will Powers: Jiggle, Breath Heavily, Tolerate Nu-Metal
Magic Items:
Shirt made out of pantyhose or black rubber, grants -3 on reaction rolls from fans of classic Danzig material.
Drum machine, ensures all musical output sucks.

NOTE: Although Danzig doesn't have much to do with D&D (aside from Metal!) the older material perfectly straddles the line between "Awesome" and "Ridiculous," in the same vein of Encounter Critical and the like as evidenced by the below videos:

(Years ago I went through an "Obsessed With Danzig" phase where I tried to use Danzig lyrics in everyday conversation as much as possible, for example when a friend asked "How was your date last night?" I'd reply "Pretty good, I slept under Her Black Wings if you know what I mean...")

(Back in my "Single Young Man On The Prowl" days I would listen to this song before a date to GET PUMPED! I'm going to stop now with these pathetic anecdotes...)

Every Danzig Video features "Evil Hoochie Mamas!" From the comments: "Wow, a black demon chick!"


  1. The best thing about Danzig was Chuck Biscuits' drumming.

  2. The only thing missing from his stats is:

    Size: S

    Danzig: One of the might midgets of Metal

  3. Nowadays Danzig would be Size: S(L)...

  4. Dude, his "contemporary" stats are KILLING me! Best WIS score ever.

    Booberry's fun facts about Danzig:

    The best Danzig video is a tossup between the one where he shows off his library and the one where he's just, you know, running around with some wolves.

    Best Aqua Teen Hunger Force guest star, ever.

    I occasionally play in a Misfits cover band called Only Jerry. We do birthday parties and Halloweens in the greater Portland area.

    Danzig signed my Lobo t-shirt when I was 18. Michael Curtis is right about his Size category. Dude is like 5'4".

  5. His cousin and I were together for a year.
    --What an irony for someone who enjoyed his The Misfits and Samhain music so much. :)

    He should have played Wolverine in the X-MEN films.