Converting Swords & Wizardry Challenge Level to AD&D/OSRIC Dungeon Level Table

The Why
I'm trying to hack together some Over-The-Top Encounter By Dungeon Level Tables utilizing the material from all of the OSR Monster Books I have (The Swords & Wizardry Monster Book; Monster of Myth; Malevolent and Benign; and The Tome of Horrors Complete).
However, whereas AD&D/OSRIC categorizes monsters into a scale of I through to X for "Dungeon Level", Swords & Wizardry utilizes a Challenge Level scale that is analogous to the monster's hit dice, but adjusted for special abilities, so it's a more granular and also an open-ended scale.

The How
In the 1st edition Dungeon Masters Guide, in Appendix C: Random Monster Encounters on page 174, there is a table for determining appropriate dungeon levels for random monster encounters by use of it's experience value, such as III: 51-150 X.P. and IX: 5,501-10,000 X.P.
Obviously it's easier to convert from the more granular and open-ended Challenge Level scale to the restrained and smaller AD&D scale.
Now, as previously mentioned, the Swords & Wizardry Challenge Level is determined by a monsters Hit Dice (with adjustments for special abilities), so what I did was use the Experience Points Value of Monsters table from page 85 of the Dungeon Masters Guide to determine the "Dungeon Level" of a monster of average hit points and no special abilities for Hit Dice of 1 through to 21; after 21 I had to use some fancier math to determine at what Hit Dice an unspecial monster would need to Break the Dungeon Level X threshhold (31.7524 Hit Dice).
Interestingly enough according to this scheme the only monster in the Swords & Wizardry Monster Book that qualifies for Dungeon Level X is Orcus, Demon Prince of the Undead, which is actually in line with the AD&D tables. All of the CL 32+ monsters in the Tome of Horrors Complete are pretty much in line with the over-the-top nature of Level X AD&D Dungeon Monsters as well. When comparing some S&W version of monsters and their CL to their AD&D analogues and their Dungeon Levels they either match up or are off by 1 level, so this system is close enough for me.

S&W Challenge Ratings by AD&D/OSRIC Dungeon Levels
AD&D - S&W
I - 1
II - 2
III - 3,4
IV - 5
V - 6,7
VI - 8
VII - 9-14
VIII - 15-18
IX - 19-31
X - 32+

My Alternate Reality Adventure - Vornheim II: Dungeons

So yesterday I tripped on a stack of Philip K. Dick books in my office and ended up in an alternate reality; the dimensional portal remained above the books so I decided to do a little investigating before returning to this reality.

It didn't take me long to learn something awesome about this reality: PANTERA NEVER EXISTED! I went to a metal show and the crowd was practically gentlemanly, no douches in pot leaf hats backwards moshing into everyone; "metalcore" bands sounded like Rorschach and (oldschool) Corrosion of Conformity instead of Pantera; etc., it was pretty sweet!

But before attending that gig I stopped by a game store. It looks like Hasbro never bought WOTC in this reality, D&D was still third edition and they were actually putting out cool useful products like hexmap sandboxes and packs of standup cardboard miniatures. They had dungeon modules that included the dungeon tiles and cardboard standups for the adventure! I checked online and you could actually buy old OD&D, AD&D, B/X D&D, Gamma World, etc. products via a POD service!

Anyways I see some familiar style artwork on a shelf and it was a book by Zak S., "Vornhein II: Dungeons." My credit card didn't work in this alternate reality, and the store only took american money for some reason, so I wasn't able to buy it and bring it back with me, but it was pretty sweet.

It contained all of the cool dungeon generation shortcut procedures that are on the D&D With Pornstars blog, but there was a butt-load of additional content such as all of the monsters from the Fiend Folio that Zak redid, but now with statistics (including No. Appearing, Morale Scores and Treasure Types). There were more monsters than just the Fiend Folio remakes, and they were generally pretty awesome with the kind of wacked out mechanics that you'd expect. Plus Telecanter had contributed a bunch of content as well! It also contained a bunch of dungeons and lairs; it was significantly bigger than the Vornheim city kit.

Man, I hope Zak produces that book in this reality...

[OD&D Houserule] Beat The Wretches!!

Many times in literature and cinema an aristocrat will have his footmen beat an uppity wretch with their canes to teach them to respect their betters; sometime a bunch of rough labourers decide to teach some hoity toity type slumming in their tavern a lesson in class-hatred with chair legs and axe handles.

In bog-standard OD&D that presents a conumdrum; obviously the intent of such actions aren't to kill the victim, but mechanically that's how things would play out. As well, in actuality beating someone unconcious often results in the unintentional death of the beatee.

Here follows a houserule I came up with to respresent such hilarious brutality:

- When a  not-entirely-lethal bludgening intrument is used to attack, the damage dice are used to represent "subdual damage" (temporary damage that only renders the target unconcious at 0 or less hit points); however if the damage die results in a natural six result the die is thrown again and the resultant roll is applied as actual real damage.


Obviously it is no great feat to use this houserule with non-OD&D versions of the game; I just came up with it while musing about OD&D and Small But Vicious Dog.

(Somewhat inspired by sundry posts on The Vaults of Naogh and the atrocious movie Sweeny Todd)

Science Fiction Adventure/Module Reccomendations?

I don't care much about the system, and I believe that I'm looking for stuff reminsicent of Jack Vance (so I guess I'm looking for adventures about privileged jerks attempting some sort of complicated act of grasping, venal subterfuge?).

If there's one thing I've learned about using modules/adventures is that "simpler is smarter"; convoluted multi-page introductions tend to be a drag to process at the table, but if the adventue is good and the PDF is cheap enough I can make the time.

Fantasy/modern/historical/whatever adventure reccomendations that could make for reskinning into a decent sci-fi romp are welcome as well.

Fat Cotton Knocks Another One Out Of The Park & AD&D Spell Analysis Request

Another great piece by Fat Cotton, this time for Fight On! magazine...between FO and Petty Gods I'm thrilled to see folks availing themselves of his surreal, whimsical talents!

Also, does anyone know of any online analysis of AD&D spells and their casting times? With all the hobbyist Gygaxian research floating around on the net, someone must have done the number crunching regarding AD&D spells and how many segments it takes to cast them? The discussion regarding The Black Lasher made me realize that I need to include AD&D/OSRIC information with the Gramaree spells in order for full-universal-oldschool D&D utility.

Aligned Magic Items Idea

Especially if you are using the Lawful/Neutral/Chaotic alignment system, but what if every magic item was aligned, the same way all magic swords in OD&D were aligne?. Even potions. Maybe when you used a potion,for the duration your alignment changed with appropriate behavior? Or you could just take damage, or have a varying duration dependent upon alignment differences. Most magic items, ring, axes, helmets, staves and so forth, would be aligned, and possibly intelligent with attendant ego scores, psychic powers, and so forth.

It strikes me a somewhat genre appropriate...the sorcerous gear of a blasphemous warlock corrupting those who dare use their foul magic; the holy relic inspiring the bearer; an enchanted wine-cup making the owner abandon their former 'good' or 'villainous' nature for hedonism. You could emulate that by having some, many or all aligned objects follow the AD&D procedures for 'personality conflicts' and ego score for swords; and that section of the Dungeon Masters Guide does seem to conflict with the previous rules for hit point damage accrued for holding a weapon of incompatible alignment.

Triumph At Red Box Vancouver!

crOm of Red Box Vancouver graciously invited me to one of their games at a coffee shop in my neighborhood last night. As I just had a band practice cancellation and a hole in my schedule I jumped at the opportunity...although every other member of the "Saucers & Sorcerers Society" were too busy/cool/lame ;) to attend...

...and I had a great time! The Red Box Vancouver guys are a real friendly/welcoming and fun bunch, and Corporal Kaffshyth ("Sending teenaged boys to their death is precisely how I became a Corporal!) was proud to aid the good people of Threshold by rescuing the children TREASURE! from the sewers. As well as uncovering a conspiracy involving corrupt, evil town guards! (I think that snooty elf is involved as well...)

However, Next time Corporal Kaffshyth is bringing the necessary equipment to harvest Yellow Mold and Rot Grubs. "What do you get when you cross a bottle full of rot grubs with a dragon? A dead dragon..."

Chapter 17, Part 1 "The Acid and Radiation Storm"

The Adventurers:
Buzz Brazelhach - Womanizing Australian Fightin' Bloke
Corporal Radar O'Reiley - Naive Earth Boy Rocket Soldier
Dickie Dee - Bone Man Sorcerer Junkie
"Doctor Death" - Mutant Sorcerer
Jedediah - 1850s Hayseed Southerner Fightin' Man
Jek-Mor - Creepy Hyperborean Sorcerer
Mookla - Reeking, Deformed (yet very intelligent!) Mutant of the Slime Lands
Nigel Nightbreaker - British Beefeater
Rodan the Scrounger - Zermish Green Man Fighting Scavenger

The party arrives at the northern gate to Kharhem and sees that two different factions of guards are engaged in a heated squabble. Pink bald Agog men in advanced armor are arguing fiercely with mixed-race mail-clad soldiers who bear serpent designs on their shields and harness. The group takes advantage of the distraction to sneak the two mutants, Mookla and Doctor Deatg, into the non-slum region of Kharhem.

However, as they make their way by the escalating dispute violence breaks out between the two groups of guards, and in the confused fleeing that ensues the green-skinned Rodan the Scrounger and the Earth youth Radar O'Reiley are separated from the rest of the party.

The main group of the party does not notices as they hustle to the bazaar plaza and the adjacent hostel "The House of the Seven Precious Metals." As they make their way through the press of the market Buzz Brazelhach and Jedediah are suddenly addressed by an mottled red-and-black skinned child in the rags of a beggar:

"Ah it is my old friend, the puissant amulet crafter Kruzz Krazelhack! And his companion Quederdier the Usurped Baron who seeks to reclaim his stolen throne!"

The two are nonplussed but the similarity in names is uncanny...

"It is I the legendary sage Bortholoz returned in the body of a youth! It is so good to see you two old friends, especially as I have need of your aid in the aternal struggle against Chaos..."

At this point both of the sorcerers, Dickie Dee and Doctor Death, recognize the name as that of a legendary sage of some repute from the lost ages of the Ancients.

Buzz inquires as to what aid is needed and Bortholoz informs him that he needs "One of Kruzz Krazelhack's most potent luck amulets to aid me in the next stage in my crusade againts Chaos!"

Buzz informs Bortholoz the reincarnated-legendary-sage-in-the-body-of-a-child? that they meet here again in a few days where he will provide the amulet. The party continues their journey and soon arrives at the familiar, comfortable hostel "The House of the Seven Precious Metals." Anticipating liquor, hot food, and the tales of lost treasure and monster lairs from the host Cultan the cheerful party enters the clean, well-lit inn.

Mookla, as his horrid stench renders him unfit for civilized accommodation, lurks outside and takes note of the ugly dirty stormclouds gathering above Kharhem.

Meanwhile Rodan the Scrounger and Radar O'Reiley are lost and wandering through what seems to be a district for foreign mercenaries. Hard-faced armed men of all races dressed in fighting leathers and tattered trophies spit and stare.

There is a horrid grating screaming from the clouds as if planet sized teeth were grinding each other into dust. A poisonous purple radiance slowly descents from the clouds and large viscous clear droplets fall burning skin when they strike.

Mookla recognizes the tingling of strong radiation in his nerves as he flees the acid raid and enters the inn. Meanwhile Rodan the Scrounger and Radar O'Reiley find refuge from the corrosive precipitation inside a rough fighting-man inn called "The Hyaenodon."

Inside both establishments the staff hurriedly close lead shutters and inform the clientele that "A Radiation and Acid Rain Storm" is occurring and everyone needs to stay inside until it abates.

Rodan and Radar immediately pay for food and a private room for several days and nervously lurk in their chamber with weapons ready while considering the unsavory looking crowd or fighting men trapped with them in the inn.

Chapter 16, Part 2 "The Arrogant Sorcerer and the Smirking Guard"

Part I Here.

The next day Buzz Brazelhach sets out into Canyx with two goals: To meet with the Baron of Canyx to discuss his collection of guns; and to hustle up some female companionship.

The guards at the Baron's Manor explain that a generous donation to the gardens of Canyx would aid him in getting an appointment so Buzz donates a sizable sum of gold credits and is informed that a messenger will be sent to his inn when they schedule and appointment...quite unsatisfactory.

Buzz wanders the streets. He notices that the blue women of Canyx dress in simple yet conservative garments and are uninterested in the Australian adventurer. He does notice one young, slender maiden and approaches her with a complimentary quip.

The maiden is flustered by Buzz's flirtation, swoons and faints. Buzz grabs the collapsing blue lady and feels an unpleasantly bony figure. As she recoveres he realizes that she is actually quite unattractive. However the maid is quite taken with Buzz and explains that her wealthy and powerful father is trying to get her married and that he has a sizable dowry. Buzz attempts to set her up with the innocent youth Radar O'Reiley but there is no dissuading her and he eventually makes an awkward exit.

The next day Buzz returns to the Baron's manor to see if he has secured an appointment but the guards inform him that the Baron is furious that an Earth Man adventurer has been attempting to seduce his daughter!

The party quickly gathers their orniths and belongings and set out from Canyx. When they exit the town gates they see a familiar robed figure on zorseback, the arrogant pushy sorcerer they previously encountered in Jakay and outside of Agog city. He is accompanied by four guards (three Lhovhami Red Men and one Hyperborean White Man) mounted on hulking, obese, albino manlike creatures with idiotic faces.

The sorcerer immediately begins yelling at the party to get off the road as he is very important and has no time for peons blocking his route. Buzz informs the sorcerer that he will definitely not get off the road. The sorcerer responds "This insulting behavior in unacceptable! Are you saying that you will duel one of my guards?"

Buzz tries to explain that although he will not take this abusive behavior he has no interest in fighting a duel. Meanwhile the Hyperborean guard begins smirking at the party with an infuriating smug expression.

Jek-Mor the Hyperborean sorcerer, who is fed up with the uptight Lawful town of Canyx and their urine-flavored gin loses his temper and casts sleep upon the manlike mounts of the guards who collapse into snoring gelatinous heaps.

As the party and the guards draw their weapons and the sorcerer begins muttering an incantation fight breaks out Buzz shoots the sorcerer in the belly with his large-apertured gamma radiation pistol (purchased from Dickie Dee) before Jedediah puts a bullet into the sorcerer's skull blasting it into pieces.

In the chaos following the sorcerer's death his guards immediately surrender while the town guards of Canyx are seen cowering behind the battlements with shocked expressions. The party grabs the dead sorcerer and his zorse and flee northwards across the iridium plateau. After a couple of hours they hide behind a pile of rocks and loot the body finding a magic dagger, a brooch that absorbs magic missiles and a spellbook.

Dickie Dee cackles with glee as he cradles the spellbook and instructs the party to kill the sorcerer's zorse as otherwise it could lead others to the body. They party than rides hard eastwards.

They travel trough Agog City, across the Great Span, through Jakay and to Fortress Scarlet without incident. They are allowed to pass through Fortress Scarlet, but when exiting through the gate that leads eastwards through a canyon the party sees two things on the battlements: the impaled body of the Nire Witch Woman who solicited Buzz's aid to escape slavery; and the crested Vlesh Man that Radar O'Reiley beat up in a fistfight, who is glaring at the Earth Youth with a murderous gaze.

The party continues through Adomaz and to Kharhem, which they hope is far enough away from the scene of their crime to avoid retribution...

My Two Favorite DMG Quotes, Cocaine and Post-Apoc Metal

What, you think even an iconoclast like myself is immune to allure of hero worship? Besides I've been itching for a reason to post these two gems.

From the 1st edition Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Dungeon Masters Guide, page 71,"Actions During Combat and Similar Time-Important Situations":

".... in a similar vein, some players will state that they are going to do several actions, which, if allowed, would be likely to occupy their time for many rounds. For example "I'll hurl oil at the monster, ignite it, drink my potion of invisibility, sneak up behind it, and then stab it in the back!" How ambitious indeed....As DM, simply note these actions and begin them accordingly. Then, when the players starts to give instructions about additional activity, simply remind him or her that he or she is already engaged in the former course, and that you will tell him or her when that is finished and new instructions are in order."

I love the subtext of Gary writing DMG content with the intent to screw over players situations that annoyed him.

From the 1st edition Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Dungeon Masters Guide, page 71,"Recovery From Intoxication":

"Time is the only cure for intoxication, although certain stimulants will shorten the recovery time....

...Mild stimulants will have no harmful effects.

Strong stimulants have 5% chance per application of lowering the character's constitution by 1 point. This is permanent."

When I read that section as a child my reaction was along the lines of "Whoa! Strong coffee really can fuck you up in AD&D, no wonder us kids aren't allowed to drink it!" Nowadays I am inordinately amused that AD&D included "euphemistic" rules for the detrimental effects of using cocaine to recover from a hangover (it was the end of the seventies after all...). Take that you annoying babbling cokeheads, 1 less point of CON!

As well, it's been a while since i posted any music, so here's some prime headbanging action for your Gamma World/Mutant Future/Post Apoc games:

Chapter 16, Part 1 "Certain Essential Salts"

The Adventurers:
Buzz Brazelhach - Womanizing Australian Fightin' Bloke
Corporal Radar O'Reiley - Naive Earth Boy Rocket Soldier
Dickie Dee - Bone Man Sorcerer Junkie
Jedediah - 1850s Hayseed Southerner Fightin' Man
Jek-Mor - Creepy Hyperborean Sorcerer
Mookla - Reeking, Deformed (yet very intelligent!) Mutant of the Slime Lands
Rodan the Scrounger - Zermish Green Man Fighting Scavenger

And Introducing:

"Doctor Death" - Mutant Sorcerer

Part II Here.

...the majority of the Gnoles come dashing forward in a pincer maneuver to attack the party's flanks while the rest stand back and fire missiles at the adventurers. The small spherical ceramic bomb activated by Dickie Dee appears in the midst of the Gnole artillery and several mangy bodies are sent flying and broken. Between blade and a sleep spells the remainder of the Gnole raiders are swiftly dispatched.

The party finishes their journey to Jakay and rests in the Bronze Engine where they see an aristocratic looking Sorcerer in luxurious glyph-embroidered robes sitting by himself. Buzz Brazelhatch attempts to make conversation; the Sorcerer is haughty, condescending, rude and does not wish to have his time wasted by the Australian adventurer. Over supper they discuss their next move; having heard that the Baron of Canyx collects fine firearms and energy weapons they resolve to meet with said Baron.

The party also takes notice of a strange looking gaunt, veiled mutant with a mass of bristling cili for hair. It bears the implements of a Sorcerer and soon it has joined the group. This mutant calls itself "Doctor Death."

They set out on Ornith-back the next morning and soon are before the gates to Agog City where they see the same arrogant Sorcerer hectoring the guards at the gate. "My time is too important for you waste any more! Let me through post-haste!"

The party next travels to the Lamia's Breath Intoxicating Vapour lounge where Dickie Dee the jittery Bone Man Sorcerer and Jek-Mor the creepy pale Hyperborean Sorcerer buy a variety of intoxicants. Jek-Mor also purchases an ornate tarnished silver syringe in order to fully enjoy the several lumps of acrid, brown Dream-Gum he purchased.

Next they travel the relatively short (by Ornith) distance to the mining settlement of Canyx, built at the head of a canyon cutting through the southern Iridium Plateau and composed of pleasant tan and cream simple buidlings with lush foliage on the rooftops. The blue-skinned guards are clad in simple beige robes and synthetic weave armor, they bear firelances with flickering heads.

The party is questioned by the guards who request a donation to help with the maintenance of Canyxs' beautiful rooftop gardens. Buzz graciously offers to cover the rest of the party and gives the guards twenty gold pieces.

The guards laugh and mock Buzz for his meagre donation. They tell of how other visitors to the fair town of Canyx appreciated their fine gardens and paid gracious princely donations for the upkeep of said gardens.

The Earth Boy Rocket Soldier Radar O'Reiley offers a larger sum and the guards again laugh, although kindly, "Oh son, it is heart warming to see a child like you trying to help out with the contents of your coin-bank and we thank you although this is the sort of thing that grown-ups take care of with real grown-up money."

Finally Buzz gives the guards are substantially larger sum which the guards graciously accept and provide directions to the out-of-towner's hostel, The House of the Eighteen Columns.

Traveling through Canyx, which is constructed descending down the canyon on either side, teh party sees lush rooftop gardens, pleasant simple well-maintained sandcrete buildings, and happy, clean looking populace, mostly blue-skinned hairless Kherulhi folk, mostly clad in simple tan, beige and cream garments that match the buildings, and many of them are miners.

These miners are very different that the ones the party saw in Pit. They whistle or sing jaunty mining jigs. They are substantially cleaner. They bear smiles and none of the signs of intoxicant abuse.

They come across two happy workmen bearing a large sheet of strange glass and singing a song about carrying glass "Carrying glass...in the sunlight..carrying glass...for the baron....glass for the baron's manor..." The party notices that in the shadows the glass is clear and that in the sunlight is goes dark and opaque. After questioning the good-natured labourers some of the party wonder if perhaps they should get some shields made from such glass which is apparently very hard to break and resolve to visit the Glasswights of Canyx.

They arrive at the House of the Eighteen Columns, surrounded by the eighteen columns. The proprietress is a no-nonsense puritan of an unattractive middle-aged woman. Unsurprisingly she reject's Buzz Brazelhach's advances.

The party goes out seeking carousing. They come across a clean, loud pub...The Cliff Cleaver, which is surrounded by and full of jolly well-scrubbed miners, mostly blue. The proprietress is an ancient wrinkled Zhaxxi woman crone with silver skin and gray hair. Buzz chides himself for considering her figure.

The party orders a round of gin...including the youth Radar O'Reiley who has previously refused any alcohol! Several large metal flagons of gin are placed on their table and all raise their beakers for a toast to the party before quaffing the liquor...which has a distinct flavour of urine!

As the party sputters and spits outraged demands for explanations are made of the proprietress who explains that the waste fluids of Canyx are processed by a Vat Guild facility. She buys certain essential salts lost in bodily functions from the facility and uses them to fortify the gin she sells for constitutional purposes.

The party is shocked and furious...aside from Rodan the Scrounger who has come across such practices in his scavengings and wanderings. While other discretely empty their beakers and pour gins from their own canteens into the containers (aside from Rodan who continues quaffing the gin of Canyx) Jek-Mor begins a loud, wheedling tirade about how terrrible Canyx is and hectors the shocked pub patrons at length before the party retires for the evening.

Chapter 15, Part 3 "Slaves and Treasure"

Part I Here, Part II Here.

The next morning the party takes leave of the dome ruins and Cactoids, traveling first north to Adomaz on the edge of the Red Sands and then up a canyon through the escarpment of the Iridium Plateau up to Fortress Scarlet.

Buzz presents the red metal ring in the form of a nude female shape given to him by the Scarlet Lady and explains that he has intelligence for the Scarlet Lady. The party is told to wait in an unoccupied barrack, aside from Mookla who is sequestered in a giant slug stable. The stable is dark and moist and the mutant of the Slime Lands is enthused as he admires the giant slug.

The rest of the party finds themselves in servicable quarters but find that their door is locked or barred. After much knocking a guard opens a small grate and glares at them. Buzz demands an explanation and is told that the Scarlet Lady is unavailable but that a slave is coming to take the Earth Man's report.

Shortly the door opens revealing a pale, nude Nire Witch clad only in a slave collar. She explains that she will be taking Buzz for a debriefing and leads him away. While the door is open the party sizes up their guards. Two of the perfumed fancy guards of Fortress Scarlet clad in rich silks and ornamental armor are glaring at the party...and one of them is the crested green Vlesh Man that the Earth youth Radar O'Reiley had beat up in a fistfight during the party's previous stay at Fortress Scarlet.

Radar blushes furiously and attempts to nonchalantly hide his face and appear inconspicuous. The door is shut and barred while Buzz is lead away. Once he and the slave are around a corner and away from the guards in a deserted red stone corridor the Nire Witch slave burst into tears and throws her slender ivory arms around his neck.

"Oh please help me! Take me away from this horrible place! I have fallen in love with you! They are so cruel here I need to escape!" she sobs into his chest. Buzz consoles her and, finding her compliant, takes full advantage of the unexpected situation. Afterwards she regains her composure, instructs Buzz that they must behave as if nothing has occured, and takes him to an office with a few bureaucrat slaves and a bored looking fancily garbed guard who begins glaring at Buzz.

The two sit at a desk and the slave readies a pen and wax tablet before questioning Buzz about his intelligence for the Scarlet Lady. Buzz questions the slave, why is he not giving his report directly to the Scarlet Lady as she gave him her token? The slave replies that the Scarlet Lady is currently away from Foretress Scarley on affairs of state. Buzz notices the glaring Vlesh Man guard from their room enter the room and talk to the already present guard, before the two of them leave, both glaring at Buzz. The slave seems unimpressed with the completed report, and she takes him back to his quarters.

On the way, while they are alone, the slave embraces Buzz briefly before asking him what his plan is for her escape. Buzz replies that he considers the Scarlet Lady to be his friends and that he would certainly not betray her by helping one of her slaves escape. The slave seems dejected and Buzz is reunited with his companions in the barrack.

The party is provided with drink and fare and have a restful night on their bunks. Meanwhile Mookla the Reeking Mutant is enjoying the companionship of the giant slug in the stable. The next morning all are roused by the guards and led to the fortress' western exit. On the way Buzz takes an officer aside and explains how the Nire Witch slave was trying to get him tohelp her escape. The guard raises his manicured eyebrows in surprise before thanking Buzz and informing him that the disloyal slave will be impaled.

One out of the fortress and on their Ornith steeds in the dunes of the Rust Desert the adventurers discuss where to next proceed and a decision is made to try and find the abandoned monastery with the treasure in the basement.

The party travels northward into the southern face of the Bornite Mountain range and does indeed find a ruined monastery where they make camp. The next morning they find a narrow staircase descending into a massive underground vault, one side buried in tons of rubble, filled with pallets of corroded, collapsed, decayed matter.

The party wanders the huge underground chamber, prodding at the piles of ancient garbage, for around an hour before one spots an intact metal barrel which is quickly pulled out of the palled of worthless decay.

The barrel seems somewhat heavy and makes jingling sounds when shaken. It is sealed with a gummy black substance. Jedediah pulls out his bowie knife but Rodan shots for him to stops, visions of toxic substances in his mind, but Jedediah pays no heed and begins hacking away at the gummy matter before pulling off the lid revealing a small fortune in gold and silver coins as well as both a shield and a suit of armor composed of an unknown light, tough, opalescent, chitinous material, which both detect as magic when one of the Sorcerers utters the appropriate rune.

The party harvests their loot and makes their way south to the road to Jakay. When they are but a few miles away from Jakay they see a band of fourteen grinning Gnoles waiting alongside the road ahead. Dickie Dee immediately takes one of the robotic calcium bombs out of his pouch, instructs it in computer, and the tiny silver sphere disappears...

Chapter 15, Part 2 "The Bee and Tales of the Dome"

Part I Here, Part III Here.

The party continues on their way from the ruined lilac glassteel dome to the port city of Kharhem. Mookla is denied entry to the city proper and us directed to the Beggars Gate on the south side of the city walls. The slums are the only area that mutants and nonhumans are ordinarily allowed. The rest take lodging at the Seven Precious Metals Inn located on the bazaar plaza and visit a Kherulhi Sorcerer, Robag Xul, who translates the lilac glassteel fragment from the ruined dome ("Bow Before The Witch-Kings of Ylum Your Now And Eternal Masters!") and sells a copy of a sinister incantation (The Talons of Yrg) to Dickie Dee for sveral thousand gold credits.

Meanwhile Mookla finds a rude camp of mutants, mostly of the wasteland variety, located outside the Beggars Gate. A grizzled Wasteland Mutant warrior befriends Mookla and offers him a place in his warband if any work comes up.

The rest of the part return to their Inn where they start chatting with their host, Cultan. Cultan tells them several tales of the lands about Kharhem such as the narcotic honey produced by the bees of the jungles west of Kharhem; the coven of mummified sorcerers north in the desert; Mount Yrmspir full of positronic crystals and massive blotched worms; the Twin Sky Masters and their slaver allies; the seventy-seven fossilized crystal brains of an extinct race of insect-sorcerers; the treasure forgotten in the basement of a ruined monastery; the slime encrusted winged abominations The Writhing Coils that nest upon the southeast rim of the Iridium Plateau and many other tales.

The present party members begin fiercely debating their next move over flagons of gin. Several want to return to the ruined lilac dome and excavate the sand, so a short trip is made into the bazaar to purchase pickaxes, shovels and the like. The party decides to rest in the inn for the night and set out in search of adventure upon the morn.

The next day the party rouses Mookla from the mutant camp and they all set forth on Ornith-back on a westwards course circling around the northern terminus of the Southern Gash. Soon they come to the thick greenery of the jungles adjacent to the slime lands. They can smell thick sweet perfume and see thick masses of large waxy light-colored blossoms growing in the dense vegetation. Investigating further they see that the jungle foliage is thick with bees as well and they begin searching for beehives.

After about an hour little progress has been made. It is hard to see well with the dense jungle canopy obscuring the sunlight and the thick vegetation hinders exploration and vision. Dickie Dee notices something odd about a bee flying by his head and immediately zaps it with a Magic Missile.

The Bone Man Sorcerers searches the rotting vegetable matter and fallen leaves that carpet the jungle floor and after several minutes finds what appears to be the fragment of a minuscule amber-colored human leg?

The Australian brawler Buzz Brazelhach snatches one of the omnipresent bees out of his hand. The party crowds around him and he holds his hand before his eyes and slowly, cautiously opens his fingers.

A tiny, bee-sized and colored human-like female form lies on his palm, it's bee-like wings crushed and mangled by Buzz's grab. It looks up at Buzz with a tiny plaintive expression and waves its antennae sadly. They try to communicate with the minuscule bee-girl but are unable to accomplish anything.

With a pale face and shocked expression Buzz gingerly places the tiny bee-girl upon a large jungle leaf. The little figure makes several pathetic attempts to fly with its mangled wings before dejectedly lying down while the adventurers quietly take their leave of the jungle, avoiding conversation or eye contact with each other.

The party finishes the short trek to the ruins of the lilac glassteel dome protruding from the arid grasslands at the southwestern fringe of the Red Sands. They spend several hours labouring with pickaxes and shovels trying to excavate the sand out of the dome ruins before realizing that with their current tools and resources this attempt would prove fruitless; the sand just runs back into their excavations as quickly as they haul it out. The group discusses the usage of tarpaulins, slaves and the like and resolve to return when better equipped.

One of the adventurers spots a small group of spiny green figures approaching from the north, a small group of nomadic Cactoids. The two parties hail each other and soon both groups are camping within the dome while sharing food, drink and tales.

The party finds out that the Cactoid nomads make a point of camping at the dome ruins during their counterclockwise circumnavigation of the eastern desert lands. Some Cactoids folktales say that the Cactoid people emerged upon Algol from another world at this dome in the distant past; other legends say that a race of powerful sorcerers took many Cactoids away from this world at the dome in eons long ago.

Chapter 15, Part 1 "Ayzold Birds of The Ahoggya Intoxicant Merchant"

The Adventurers:
Buzz Brazelhach - Womanizing Australian Fightin' Bloke
Corporal Radar O'Reiley - Naive Earth Boy Rocket Soldier
Dickie Dee - Bone Man Sorcerer Junkie
Jedediah - 1850s Hayseed Southerner Fightin' Man
Jek-Mor - Creepy Hyperborean Sorcerer
Mookla - Reeking, Deformed (yet very intelligent!) Mutant of the Slime Lands
Rodan the Scrounger - Zermish Green Man Fighting Scavenger

Part II Here, Part III Here.

The party continues down the canyon to the Red Sands. The settlement of Adomaz is visible and roughly 5 miles away. Off to one side of the canyon's mouth stands a huge, ancient cistern. Bright orange, cracked with pools of water at it's base. Rodan presses the party to refill their canteens and waterskins but Buzz points out that Adomaz is only a short ride away and will have assuredly potable water available.

Soon enough they ride up to the western gate of Adomaz, a town of baroque, flowing tall green mansions surrounded by a circular glassy wall with an irregular jagged top...the remains of a destroyed dome? The Lhovhami Red Man guards are wearing black armor, carry firelances and are talkative and helpful. When an inquiry is made regarding the orange cistern the party passed they are informed that those who drink it's water usually sicken and die. They get directions to reputable lodging, the Frenzied Stegosaur Caravan House and are soon sitting at a table ordering gin and supper, aside from Mookla the reeking mutant who finds a secluded alleyway.

Dickie Dee and Jek more inquire about intoxicants and are rebuffed as "this is a respectable establishment." Next Buzz inquires about companionship and is informed about The House of Masculine Relaxation, but is also warned that it is a fancy establishment where certain standards regarding dress and grooming are enforced.

Buzz immediately calls for a bath and a barber, and soon he and Rhodan and sitting in steaming basins while a barber slave shaves, perfumes and grooms them. The two end up with pomaded pompadours and Buzz inquires about getting a new sheath and handle for his foul-smelling willowy whip sword of the reeking Shunned Ones. The barber slaves asks for ten gold credits and takes the weapon, claiming that he will return on the morrow. The two go to the brothel where Optmar the Optimal, a man clad in a silver bodysuit and mask, scrutinizes and interrogates the two before discussing their arrangements. A sum of several hundred gold credits is arrived at before Jedediah bursts into the room. He is broke but the two take pity on Jedediah and frugal arrangements are made for him.

Meanwhile Dickie Dee and Jek-Mor are wandering the streets of Adomaz, seeking an intoxicant lounge. They notice a seedy-looking dive, The Jagged Gut Slicer, that seems to cater to disreputable mercenaries. The two enter and sit down.

The tavern is lit by dim, indirect garish illumination and several skinny, naked slave dancing women stroll show the signs of intoxicant abuse. The bouncer eyes the two sorcerers and stares hard at Dickie Dee's javelin and Jek-Mor's sword before loudly announcing "Well, it looks like we have a real pair of Fighting-Men here tonight!" and guffawing. The whole bar joins in, mockingly laughing at the two. Their gin tastes foul and metallic. Somehow they get directions to The Den of Utmost Relaxation, a subterranean intoxicant vendor in the alleyway.

Dickei Dee and Jek-Mor enter the alley, descend a filthy stair and enter the Den. The room is small and illuminated by a dim blue light. The proprietor is a strange four-armed, legged and faced, squat bristly, carapaced being. It is named Gnasher and Dickie Dee makes arrangements to purchase six Ayzolg Birds, small four-winged, six-legged live fetal birds coated with glowing ulfire mold that are steeped in boiling water to make a stimulant tea.

The two return to the inn where they procure a brazier, kettle and cups. The somewhat innocent youth Radar O'Reiley winces in horror when Dickie immerses two of the glowing Ayzold chicks in boiling water and declines the sickly sweet smelling stimulant tea that the sorcerers offer him.

The next day they visit the Baron's physician who, for a hefty sum, treats Buzz and Radar's acid burns (inflicted by the Black Pudding in the canyon) and sells Radar a small jar of the pink ooze he used to treat their injuries.

The party leaves Adomaz, heading south down the road to Kharhem. After a couple of hours they notice the ruins of a lilac dome off to one side of the road. Investigating for a couple of hours they find nothing but a shard of lilac glassteel inscribed with unintelligible glyphs before they continue their wanderings. The party decides to return with excavating tools in the near future.

Chapter 14, Part II "The Scarlet Lady"

Part I Here.

Fortunately Rodan's Eye of Restoring Life, although running low on charges, brings Dickie Dee back to the living. Thibodeaux is considered inconsequential and left dead.

The party enters the portal into the flying saucer and finds themselves in a disorienting, abstract state of pseudo-reality. They explore the non-euclidean space and eventually come across a large white featureless sphere that begins telepathically requesting "authorization from unregistered elements."

Dickie Dee begins babbling nonsense in Computer at it before Buzz puts his magic two-handed sword through it. Brutal combat erupts as some attack with weapons while others blink to a seemingly safe distance. The Sage Xarnagan Vrokk is consumed with the lust for knowledge and dashes through an unexplored portal during the battle.

The white dissolves into nothingness under the assault but detonates a small silver sphere...another calcium bomb. Buzz Brazelhach and Thragg the Sky-Man lie dead in the aftermath of the explosion and seventeen more calcium bombs lie on the "floor."

Dickie Dee collects the calcium bombs while Rodan the Scrounger reanimates Buzz. Thragg is judged unworthy or resurrection. Xarnagan is unnerved by his explorations and returns to the party. The adventurers decide to leave the saucer and make their way back to Agog city.

Thobodeaux is buried beneath the Purple Grasses by his brother Jedediah while Thragg's body is traded to the Vault Guild in exchange for several tallow candles. The party relaxes for several days in Agog City while discussing their next venture. The party is joined by a strange Hyperborean Sorcerer, Jek-Mor, who is seeking news of his brother Kal-Mor. The party explains how the Hyperborean assassin died and the quirky spellcaster joins the party. Dickie Dee examines the Calcium Boms and determines that they teleport to their destination before detonating and that he can operate them by instructing them in Computer.

Buzz has heard tales of the Scarlet Lady and her voracious sexual appetites and the party packs their mounts and makes their way to the Fortress Scarlet.

At the gate to Fortress Scarlet they are interrogated by a pair of well-manicured, pretty-boy fighting-men who are wearing fancy armor and makeup. They are suspicious of the party and tell them that they have to wait until next morning before they will be allowed to pass through the fortress. Dickie Dee casts Charm Person on one of the guards and he immediately offers to let the party sleep in a stable. Except for Mookla, reeking Mutant of the Slime Lands who is told to sleep in the Rust Desert.

The party is led by Dickie Dee's new best friend to a clean stable. The guard leaves and returns with some meager food and water, with sumptuous fare and delicious liquor for the Bone Man Sorcerer. He warns to party to stay in the stable and takes his leave.

As the party begins settling in and bedding down, Buzz Brazelhach feels the familiar stirring in his loins and sneaks out of the stable to explore. The Earth Man youth Corporal Radar O'Reiley sees his new father figure leaving and follows at a discrete distance.

As Buzz is sneaking through passages of red stone, cunningly avoiding the guards, he spots Radar and beckons the youth to join him. They come to a door of red metal and after listening at it and hearing nothing but a gentle burbling of water they cautiously open it.

Inside is a luxurious bath-chamber with several pools of different kinds of perfumed and heated water as well as a rack of expensive liquors. The two Earth Men hoot and holler in joy before stripping down and plunging into the baths. Buzz jumps into a tub of hot, swirling water while Radar dives into a pool of scented bubbles.

As the two begin vigourously scrubbing the adventuring filth off of their bodies they hear a husky female voice exclaim "Who is this in my bathing chamber?"

They look up and see a tall, stunning female, completely nude and Scarlet everywhere aside for her black pupils, standing in a doorway. Radar blushes and begins trying to sneak to his clothing while Buzz saunters up and says "Do not worry my lady, I am no threat...unless you'd like it that way"

Dripping soapy suds, Radar the Earth Boy grabs his clothing and dashes out the door he entered. As the embarrassed, naive youth dressed himself he hears moans of passion emanating from the bath chamber while he feels a strange stirring in his heart. He realizes that in the brief seconds he saw her that he has fallen in love with the Scarlet Lady...

Confused and dejected, he returns to the stables and tries to sleep.

Several hours later Buzz Brazelhach returns, whistling and capering with a huge grin on his face. He begins enthusiastically regaling the party with the details of his latest erotic adventure and showing off a ring of red metal in the form of a nude female that the Scarlet Lady gave him as a token.

Radar makes several disapproving comments beofe the party retires for the night. Buzz continues talking about his amorous adventure to Radar, who's bedroll is lying next to his. Radar begins to feel sick and takes his leave of the stable, seeking freah air.

He wanders the corridors of red stone, avoiding the fancy-boy guards, and finds a staircase leading upwards. He ascends a considerable distance before coming to a door the leads to a balcony. It features a screen of arabesque stone with a splendid view of the Red Sands, several red-blossomed plants, and a stand with several bottles of liquor and a bowl of red candies.

The Earth Boy takes in the view while enjoying the fresh air. Having a sweet tooth he takes a handful of the sticky, red candies and begins eating the sweets which leave red stains on his hands and mouth.

From behind he hears a masculine voice "Who dares to eat our mistresses' candies!"

Turning around he see two of the fancy, well-manicured guards. A cactoid with his body smoothly trimmed of spines in fancy golden half-plate and a Vlesh Man in opalescent green scale mail.

Radar stammers denials, but he is caught "red handed." The guards sheath their weapons and begins pouding their fists together while discussing how they are going to teach this boy a lesson.

With a quavering voice Radar declare that he will fistfight the guards, but only one of them and if he wins he gets to walk away. The guards laugh at him but agree to fight him one at a time.

The guards are unaware that Radar is a semi-seasoned adventurer and Radar manages to make short work of the first guard. However the Cactoid guard is much tougher than his Vlesh companion and Radar bloodies his knuckles in a long, drawn out brawl before an opening presents itself. Radar grabs his opponent and pile-drives his head into the red stone floor before falling to his knees, crying and punching the unconcious Cactoid repeatedly in the face.

He is startled by a husky female voice, "Who is this who has defeated my guards?"

Before he knows it, Radar the Earth Man virgin finds himself in an amorous embrace with the Scarlet Lady. She is slow and gentle with the inexperienced youth and afterwards offers him a drink of liquor. Radar declines and asks for more candy.

"You can eat my candy...anytime" she replies.

Next she produces a red metal ring in the form of a nude human female and explains that it serves as a token that the wearer has her favor. Radar stammers how he though she was going to ask him to marry her.

She mutters an incantation and Radar finds himself completely trusting the Scarlet Lady. She begins interrogating Radar about his adventures and he finds himself telling her everything about his experiences on Planet Algol. Who. What. When. Where. Why. How. Everything. He holds nothing back and tells her everything he knows. (Buzz experienced a similar interrogation and he too told her everything.)

Afterwards she takes her leave and the confused and lovestruck Radar dresses himself and returns to the stables and goes to sleep.

The next morning Dickie Dee's new best friend, the fancy guard with the manicured eyebrows, returns with breakfast and leads the party to the passage through Fortress Scarlet that leads to the canyon down to the Red Sands wher they rejoin Mookla the Mutant.

They ride their orniths down the canyon trail. Buzz begins talking about how he can't wait to return to Fortress Scarlet and see the Scarlet Lady again.

Radar naively replies "You may find that her attitude has changed in the meantime Buzz." The innocent youth believes that she has fallen in love with him and they are destined to be married. The Earth Boy finds himself greatly conflicted as Buzz had become a father figure to him but is now a romantic rival.

A black pudding with a small white sphere bearing a small blinking red light emerges from the rocks ahead. There is a brutal combat in which several Ornith's are dissolved and Buzz and Radar are seriously burned by acid before it is defeated.

The small white sphere has been crushed in the battle and the red light no longer blinks. It's broken shells exposed Orichalcum wiring and Dickie Dee takes it into his possession for later examination.

The party continues down the canyon, making for Adomaz.

Chapter 14, Part 1: "The Flying Saucer"

Buzz Brazelhatch - Rowdy, Hearty and Lusty Australian Adventurer

Corporal Radar O' Reiley - Earth Man Rocketship-Soldier, Former Crewmate of Dank Darkstar
Dickie Dee - Bone Man Sorcerer and Intoxicant Enthusiast
Jedediah - 1850s' Nevada Alien Abductee, Cousin of Thibodeaux
Mookla of the Slime Lands - Fighting-Mutant possessing a Sulfurous Stench and twisted limbs
Nigel Nightbringer - British Man-at-Arms
Rodan the Scrounger - Zermish (Green) Man Fighting-Man and Scavenger

Thibodeaux - 1850s' Nevada Alien Abductee, Cousin of Jedediah

Thragg the Skyman - Zermish Man Ornithopter Passenger and Fighting-Man

Part II Here.

The party returns to the crashed flying saucer and discuss various inane plans involving using nonexistent logs and acid to open the seemingly impenetrable sky-vessel. Attempts using the deceased Dank Darkstar's tool set to pry open the hatch prove fruitless. The reeking, malformed Mookla volunteers to figure out how to use the disintegration bomb they acquired and the rest of the party moves 200 feet away behind a green and begins waiting and listening.

The hideous yet very intelligent mutant squats of the disc of the massive flying saucer halfway embedded in the mossy floor of the Forbidden mist valley. His tiny fingers clutch the black housing of the deceased Jhooghovahr's disintegration bomb and he attempts to figure out the knobs and buttons on it's top. After roughly seventy Earth-minutes he believes he is making progress with the controls but is interrupted by the hatch opening revealing several spindly silver figures.

As Mookla runs down the side of the saucer he feels a burning pain as an ulfire beam lashes through his side. As he dashes into the mists he feels an intense deep hot pain in his back before getting away.

The rest of the party hear the repeated loud snapping sounds and run to the saucer while unsheathing blades and guns. Mookla comes stumbling out of the fog and haltingly gasps out the story of the saucer inhabitants. The adventurers decide to kill the silver beings and make for the crashed alien spaceship in an aggressive assault formation, arms and incantation at the ready.

There are six of the spindly silver beings, with elongated rod-like heads featureless aside from tiny moving green luminescent dots, on the saucer, some bearing strange tubular apparatus, and when they fall to laser beam or bullet they explode in a burst of evaporating green foam and melting silver shreds. Although one fires ulfire laser beams and another invisible microwave blasts the party slays them all.

Before they have a chance to celebrate their victory a tiny silver sphere appears among the back ranks of the party and explodes with a loud popping sound knocking most of the rearward group on their backs in a shower of tiny white calcium particles. They are all seriously injured by the concussive blast and the Earth Man Thibodeaux and the skeleton-like Bone Man Sorcerer Dickie Dee lies dead. Not only that but there are no energy weapons or any other artifacts to be found among the evaporating silver and green matter of the slain alien's remains.

New Magic Item: Scroll of Summoning Aspect of Kurt Russell

These scrolls are similar to protection scroll in that characters of any class are capable of utilizing them. Unlike most scrolls they feature an illustration of a rugged, handsome human male with a beard or stubble and great hair. When read 1d6 rounds later an aspect of Kurt Russel appears. This aspect of Kurt Russel will willingly aid any non-evil user of the scroll as long it does not involve outright villainy and will be present for 24 hours before disappearing back into time and space. Roll on the below table to determine which aspect of Kurt Russell appears; any harm inflicted to an aspect will not affect the real Kurt Russell of our world. All aspects of Kurt Russell have maximum hit dice and a +2 bonus on all saving throw rolls.

d10
1 Dexter Riley (8th-level scientist; 17 intelligence and charisma; 1d6: 1-2 19 intelligence, 3-4 can become invisible at will, 5-6 hill giant strength)
2 Elvis (8th-level bard/monk; 18 charisma; carries 1-3 handguns)
3 Snake Plisskin (8th-level fighting-man/thief; 17 strength, dexterity, constitution and charisma)
4 R.J. McReady (8th level fighting-man & helicopter pilot; 17 strength, wisdom, dexterity, constitution and charisma; carries either a firearm (50%) or a flamethrower (50%))
5 Jack Burton (1st-level fighting-man but believes he is 8th level and actually has the maximum hit points of an 8th-level fighting-man; drops held weapon or pratfalls on any attack roll of 1 or 2 but will kill any supernatural opponents on an attack roll of 20; all allies within view get +1 on all attack rolls and +2 on all saving throws)
6 Captain Ron (8th level thief and sailor; 17 constitution and charisma)
7 Wyatt Earp (8th-level fighting-man; 17 dexterity, constitution and charisma; carries a long-barrel revolver that he can pistol whip with for 1-6 damage)
8 "Jack" O'Neil (8th-level fighting-man; 17 strength, dexterity, constitution and charisma; carries an automatic pistol and a tactical nuke)
9 Todd (8th-level fighting-man; 17 strength, dexterity and constitution; 3 charisma)
10 Actor Kurt Russell (8th-level fighting-man; 17 charisma)

Chapter 13, Part 2: "The Tentacle-Faced Sphinx"

Part I Here.

In the cold, thick, white nmouldy fog of the Forbidden Mist Valley the party searches for a tomb with a lintel carved with a tentacle-faced sphinx. In the rolling, almost featureless green moss slopes of the valley ahead they see a small structure build from the same white stone as the occasional rocks and boulders seen in the dismal valley.

They cautiously approach and slithering, tenticular shapes are seen carved into the pale, squat building. Jhooghovahr is prodded to the front of the group and is provided with a ten-foot pole while the others prepare pistols and fighting irons before again tentatively proceeding.

As they get close a loathsome form graven into the lintel above an orifice-like descending tunnel is discerned; a bloated, scaly toad-sphinx with a writhing mass of long, slender tentacles bursting forth from where it's face should be, the carved tentacles continuing along the visible surface of the crypt.

Jhooghovahr is instructed to approach the aperture, the way is littered with chunks of white stone graven with serpentine forms. He cautiously prods the ground ahead and gets up next to the tunnel mouth before a pale-gray tentacle whips up from the camouflaging stones and wraps itself about first the pole and than the starlted Jhooghovahr while a second tentacle, with a long bone needle at its end, rises like a cobra before driving its sting deep into the struggling Vhaashti Man.

Several members of the party rush up while others blast at the tentacles with their guns. The serpentine gray appendages are joined at a leathery, pulsating, sack-like body located within the tunnel. They drop the broken, lifeless Jhooghovahr and one wraps around and constricts Buzz Brazelhatch while the others whips about Dickie Dee and drives its long bone needle deep into the Bone Man's transparent flesh.

As the Australian brawler writhes in the tentacles clutches, attempting to wrestle his way out of the muscular coils, the bone needle seems to be pumping some sort of fluid into Dickie Dee and his flesh around the stinger is turning waxy and gray.

Soon the tentacled sack-thing is dispatched, but Buzz is gasping and sorely strained and bruised while Dickie Dee lies on the mossy stones, the flesh about the stinger wound turning gray and pulpy while he complains of burning pain in his veins and heart. His ordinarily invisible circulatory system does seem to be slightly visible as well as grayish.

The reeking, incoherent Mutant, Mookla bursts through the party and begins pawing through the bloody possessions of Jhooghovahr with his tiny fingers. He pulls out the medical device; some of it's appendages are slighly bent but when placed upon Dickie Dee's chest it chirps; its lights begin blinking; and it multiple articulated arms begin unfolding and probing Dickie's flesh.

Soon Dickie's flesh resumes its normal, transparent state and the Bone Man proclaims that he feels recovered from the poison of the tentacle-thing. The party loots the Vhaashti Nobleman's twisted remains and split his meager purse of gold; Mookla claims a cubical black device, the disintegration bomb.

The party takes stoke of their new situation and decide to return to the flying saucer and attempt an entry, perhaps using the disintegration bomb to crack its shell and access the artifacts within.

To Bring Back the Dead

The Expeditionary Journal of Xarnagan Vrokk

To Bring Back the Dead

previous entry found here, corresponding Algol Adventures here, here and here

Dickie Dee - Bone Man Intoxicant Addict and Sorcerer
Kalervo - Cactoid Fighter
Rodan the Scrounger - Zermish Man Scavenger and Fighting-Man
Thragg the Skyman - Zermish Man Ornithopter Passenger and Fighting-Man
Xarnagan Vrokk - Haasht Man Fighting-Sage
Thibodeaux and Jedediah - Earth Man alien abductees from 1850's Nevada
Nigel Nightbringer - Earth Man and English Beefeater Fighting Man

Introducing:

Moon Martin - Earth Man Mind Wizard and fellow adventurer of Radar on the Scout Rocket Alpha

Leaving behind the drunken Rodan the Sodden to rest his head in a pool of gin and his own spittle on a bench inside The Bronze Engine, the rest of the party made good for the journey. Mounting our Ornith steeds, their bird heads jostling and legs jumping as we turned their beaks toward the Bornite Mountains, we rode fast through the desert of rust. There, whilst camping, we were attacked by a short-faced bear of sorts. It was a horror to awaken to, but we came out of the fight without a scratch. Well, I say we, however that star-robed sorcerer named Ter'lek we hired did happen to find his head horribly caved in, and seeing as we didn't know the chap all that well, we covered his body in rocks and left it at that.

Coming upon the foothills of the all too familiar Bornites we dismounted and made our way, this time with careful accuracy, toward the chalk cliffs of the mutant crow people. Yes, we were now all too familiar with the territory and our expedition proved quite expedient... hmm, yes. We wound our way through the cliffs and cavernous gullies and gulfs, our hearts racing as we came upon the chalky caves of the crow men. Who knew how many lay inside? Thragg the Skyman, seldom speaking, but when words do appear they are concise and clever, postured it could be an endless conduit of caves leading ever onward to a city of the horrid beings; the party and myself hoped otherwise. Carefully climbing the cliffs toward the caves, we waited til nightfall. I picked up a sizable stone and cast upon it an incantation of light. It immediately began to shine and shimmer with a bright radiance quite adequate to light our way inside. I quickly hid it in the folds of my robe as we approached the mouth of the main cave.

Creeping ever so quietly inside, we hoped to make our way into the warren where we speculated at least some remains could be found. We hardly stepped our fair feet into the caves before we sensed a presence. There in the dark before us we heard muffled steps, and saw the glint of eyes and the sheen of talons. I tossed the lit stone not far ahead of us to reveal what we feared: the feathered faces of mutant crow men! Seeing a possible ambush, I made myself comfortable outside of the cave entrance, doing my best to scout for any others that might try and attack from the rear, thereby surrounding us and making escape that much dimmer a possibility. I stood there in the gloom, listening in horror to the thundering cries of the crow men. "Doom! DOOM!" they cawed as talon clashed against steel. Feathers flew, the cries of "DOOM!" grew, and shrieks erupted from all corners as the thunder of talons seemed to erupt out of deeper caverns. Then all went quiet. I took the chance to spy 'round the corner to see that Dickie Dee had used his infamous Sleeping Incantation, and had put the whole tribe to sleep! Ah, a sleep that they would enjoy forever more.

Luckily there were scant few crow people left it seemed. Kalervo, Nigel, and Thibodeaux skillfully dismembered the sleeping bodies of the crow men and their women. Ah yes, the extermination of a clan of beings merely protecting themselves from wayward scoundrels such as ourselves. Not the noblest thing we have done, but necessary to retrieve the magical items, I mean party members, that we had lost. At this point I went to the cliff edge to continue my scouting duties. No need to get my robes dipped in bird blood!

Suddenly, there was a rustle in the shrubbery. Forms lurched from the shadows and began to caw at us! I drew my sword and struck my most fearsome pose. The caws became subtle laughter, and it all became quickly apparent that it was the formerly gin-sodden and now robust Rodan and a man I had not seen before. Ah, the Scrounger, it was a good sight to see that fellow had regained his composure and his constitution. A strange and helpful rogue he is indeed.

Lifting his arm in a strange mechanical way, the stranger introduced himself as Moon Martin, a mind mage of sorts and one-time companion of Radar O'Reilly aboard the scouting vessel Rocket Ship Alpha. His dress and demeanor were quite peculiar. Firstly, he had his blond locks shorn into the shape of a soup bowl, Secondly he spoke like I'd imagine a rather droll computer might mimic human speech. His spectacles perched precariously on his nose-end, and his red jacket hiding a plethora of weapons, he approached and we shook hands, touching skin to scale. A clammy fellow. Very much expected from his "type". I did however find the presence of a laser rifle strapped to his back to be a comforting one; providing he knows how to use it!

We then returned to the task at hand. Quickly moving through the tunnels we found the bone and gristle heaps of our one time companions; their valuable items shining in our satisfied faces. With Rodan's magic Eye of the Ancients we restored to life the captain Buzz Brazzelhatch, the no longer metal-nosed Radar O'Rielly (a miraculous Eye in every respect, it reformed his former missing feature-his nose being eaten from his face by a disgruntled baboon upon first landing in Algol), Monster Monagin, and in a moment of pure benevolence Dickie Dee raised the notion to re-animate Vroomish the Tikalg Dandy, who upon rising from the earth ran in joyous tears to the muscular, and surprisingly welcoming, arms of Buzz Brazzelhatch. They share something special that I haven't quite put my scales on yet.

The party decided to not resurrect the hated Hobab, nor the race-obsessed hyperborean Kal-Mor. Decisions I found wise and prudent.

Then came the loot!

Scrounging about, Rodan discovered the weapons of the Vat-Men, as well as taking the opportunity to rifle through the remnants of Kal-Mor and Hobab. It was then that Radar did find placed in his hands that magic axe of the Vat-Men; which I was able to identify as one of a potent power. And to Thragg's delight found himself gifted the needler-pistol of Vroomish who in thanks did not reclaim the item from the Sky Man. There was also a Ring of Protection discovered amongst the decaying matter of Kal-Mor. It was at this moment that Dickie and Buzz began to squabble. The Bone Man Sorcerer feeling he was most in need (albeit the man practically jingles as he walks with the amount of stash he has about him) and of course brash Buzz Brazzelhatch, claiming the Captain card yet again argued in his own favor. All the while the calm Cactoid, of equal leaderly virtue, stood by, keeping a steady eye on the ring and cleaning his nails with a spine from his own body. It was at this moment that Moon Martin quickly approached the disputing duo, and with a strange gleam in his eyes swiftly lifted the ring and placed it on his own finger; Buzz and Dickie in seeming understanding of the fairness of his actions. Both Kalervo and I met eyes at this point, our own swift and unspoken understanding that we would have to keep an eye on this suspiciously sly mind-mage Earth Man.

Not long after we had bedded down, and I had been dreaming the most wonderful of fantasies about exploring the dark and glorious moon Thoggyu, I was awoken by shrill screams and loud thumps. Yes, it seems the powers of Moon Martin had worn off. Buzz was using his boots to aggressively remind Moon Martin of the consequences of thievery, by any means, and Dickie was quite busy strewing about all of the mind wizard's goods and equipment. All the while Moon Martin groveled and slipped words out of both sides of his mouth; all falling on the angrily deaf ears of Dickie who furiously continued his search of the man's wares. In the end the only consequence levelled on the bowl-headed Mind Wizard was that his impeccable, and near impeachable, flexible alloy mesh-and-plate armor was given to Kalervo, who happily ditched his clumsy plate and spent the next half hour or so admiring himself in his shiny new suit. I do believe he has finally found something that doesn't make him miss his clipped-off spines. Deservedly so!

Many days then passed as we labored through the rough and rugged terrain of the Bornites, then merrily crossing the Rust Desert; this time around with all companions well fed, and in good spirits.

A curious and comical event occurred here in these burning sands. There was a strange camelid creature, with a snout not unlike a snake. It appeared to be oblivious to us as it plodded along in the distance, but Dickie Dee surmised it to be a good candidate for target practice. Dickie began firing many wild shots with his new gamma radiation pistol, the only effect being the beast rearing its head toward the party; and it did look ever so foul when it sourced the fount of the blasts and began raising it's trunk in a venomous fashion. Faster and faster the creature did bear down upon us. Moon Martin anxiously grabbed at his laser rifle and in nervous jitters did let it bounce from hand to hand firing all the while, melting nearby rock and precipice into lava and smoldering stone. As each shot missed, the creature grew ever near. Then, in a bout of luck and after several wild shots flinging past its form, the creature went up in a green gooey glow as Dickie Dee finally struck home and dissolved the beast before our very eyes.

This was the last of our great adventure. We then shortly arrived in Jakay, where the party was treated to an endless stay at the Bronze Engine by the much appreciative Vroomish. I, myself, having made previous arrangements with Tazar the Interlocuter, made my way to his towering manse of turqoise and copper and set about there in comfort for some time sharing tea and tales with the likeable lord. When after almost a quarter of a moon cycle had passed, I finally convinced the party that now was the time to make for the pristmatic wastes and mine that precious ore! We saddled our beasts and headed away from fair Jakay. However, not far into our journey, I found myself stranded once more! Yes, it so happened that in Agog City the party did come upon yet another Bordello! They seem to lack such focus at times. It was there that Buzz did spy a place called The Lurking Serpent, and there they stayed for quite some time.

I, yet again, wandered alone in Agog with Kalervo, each looking for something to bide our time, and found our own fascination we did indeed.

Yes, I used my money not on liquors and loose women, but on research at the wondrous Hive of the Sages. There I found a library to rival the beauty and savvy of Slarnunna the Slut of the Seven Stars! Yes, I did indeed delve into rich tomes, place my hands on the taut tentacles of technological wonders of the Ancients. With orichalcum wiring, carefully faceted prisms, and some savvy of my own, I then created, in nearly nine nights in the hive, a device to read Radiation Crystals. Now I had a way to determine the life left in these important implements, the true universal power source of the Ancients! Yes, I could now tell with certainty how many charges were left in a raygun, not to mention reading the power of many other devices. With my pockets emptied of all their credits I then made my way to the house of the Houri's, hopefully finding at least one of my party sober and fully clothed.

Creeping in amongst the cacophony of sound and flesh, I found Rodan and Dickie, seemingly alert, and obviously recovering from some binge or another. We then discussed the prismatic ore business again, even taking it so far as to try and locate slaves to do the mining for us. After much failure in that department, and after much personal deliberation, and of course after the reading of the party's raygun crystal levels to prove good use of our gold credits, I decided to find a way to return to the hive in order to further my research.

Even though I was now proud and penniless, I could see that we would not be heading to the prismatic wastes any time soon, and found my time better spent now trying to learn how to recharge these wonderful devices. I then vowed, '...to the Hive I shall return', and left the party to their pursuits.

Ah! Such glorious moments to be had deep in the Hive!

I do love the smell of chemicals and the sting of misplaced orichalcum wiring in the the early morning... oh, any time of day really.

By Thoggyu, I will find a way!

Xarnagan finds a way here...

Out of the Forbidden Mist and into the Tower of Tazar, pt. 2

The Expeditionary Journal of Xarnagan Vrokk
Out of the Forbidden Mist and into the Tower of Tazar, pt. 2

previous entry found here, corresponding Algol Adventures here and here

Dickie Dee - Bone Man Intoxicant Addict and Sorcerer
Kalervo - Cactoid Fighter
Rodan the Scrounger - Zermish Man Scavenger and Fighting-Man
Thragg the Skyman - Zermish Man Ornithopter Passenger and Fighting-Man
Xarnagan Vrokk - Haasht Man Fighting-Sage

Introducing:

Thibodeaux and Jedediah - Earth Man alien abductees from 1850's Nevada

Return of :

Nigel Nightbringer - Earth Man English Beefeater Fighting Man

It has been some time since I last made a moment to scribe our shared adventures. At present, I sit in the warm glow of a chemical fire, set inside a cell deep within the vaults of the Hive of Sages, my hands stained and singed by my potent particulars scattered about my workbench. Here I shall let you gather, as promised, how I came to be here. Hmm, now where did we leave off? Ah yes, that sultry sandy place, that home of strange secrets....

The Bronze Dome of the Desert loomed like a miraculous mirage in the waves of desert heat. As we approached, I ignored my parched throat and cried out to my fellow journeymen as my fascination with what could lay inside grew to a fevered pitch. My elated excitement however, was not shared by the rest of the party. They have no fear standing against hordes of mutant crow people, but knocking on the door of such a splendid dome of possible power and intrigue sends them scuffing the sand and looking away toward Jakay (which could now be seen shimmering and smoking in the distance). I was hoping that at least the Bone Man Sorcerer would have an inkling of interest in what lay beyond the portal, but nay, not a spark of enthusiasm to add to my flaming fascination. I had to make due with a cursory wander around the structure, taking note of the Elder Race glyphs that encircled it. Once again at the entrance, it's sole portal, sealed tight against the desert winds and prying eyes, I circled it with a trace of my scaled finger, secretly wishing to simply knock and enter. Another day, I sadly supposed. Rejoining my companions, the four of us set off for fabulous Jakay. It was true that we were near starving, and our tongues had not been slaked by decent saturating substance in quite some time.

Kalervo, the indomitable cactoid, led us to a safe ledge in a rocky outcropping for us to make our camp that evening; the flickering lights of Jakay tempting us in the distance as we watched the suns set. As I kept watch that night I held my breath as I spied strange grey figures scurry amongst the foothills. Curious creatures, I thought, and hopefully well fed and not interested in making a meal of a scrawny sage and his companions. As the sky lit with the glow of the three suns we quickly packed our gear, wiped the dust and grit off our faces, and made quick to Jakay. Doing our best to look presentable we strolled the streets seeking sustenance and potables which to quaff and quench our parched persons. Rodan the Scrounger, Thragg the Skyman, and Kalervo the cactoid broke from Dickie Dee and myself to head to their favorite haunt: The Bronze Engine. I chuckled at how quickly they will enter a gin soaked public house made of an old Bronze Engine but not a Bronze Dome made of Elder Race secrets! Dickie Dee and myself, still quite parched, but more thirsty for knowledge and comfort, made our way through town to the copper and turquoise Tower of Tazar the Inerlocuter.

Stepping through the ornate doorway we were greeted by the smell of incense and the smiling faces of Tazar and his counterpart, Botrub the obese sage. Before the eye-blink of a blind bat we were sitting, sipping spicy tea, and chatting merrily of our tales, trials, and tribulations. What a splendid and loquacious man, that Tazar. Soon, after many great conversational moments, Dickie Dee began to clack his jaw with his typical nervous twitch and interrupted one of Tazar's tales to excuse himself and attend Botrub at the dispensary. I could hear him quietly purchase some golden ocher lotus-nectar tea, and a single pill of Sorcerer's Silver. I was surprised at the Silver, but was expecting the purchase of the former, one of Dickie Dee's favorite intoxicants; I knew all too well what would transpire next. I turned back around, and simply snugged into my seat and sipped my tea, absorbing an all too rare moment to converse with an interesting man in such luxurious and commodious surroundings. I myself must have told a good tale or two, as before I knew it I was being invited to stay with Tazar here in this tower for as long as my sovereign felt necessary. Quite an upgrade from the Bronze Engine! The Bone Man was also extended the invitation and we stayed at the Tower of Tazar for several days, regaining our vitals and partaking of the town.

On one fortuitous outing the clever Dickie Dee discovered, on the dusty shelves of some out of the way shop, a gamma radiation pistol of the Ancients! Yes, it's radiation crystal still intact, and firing with surprising accuracy. A very propitious find!

With our strength regained, I decided our next best venture would be to mine some of the prismatic ore from the abundant source that I had located not far from the Melted City on a previous journey. Yes, on our journey toward fallen space craft we had stopped near the Melted City, oh those many moon cycles ago, with Hobab and Vroomish. It was there, while camping amongst the prismatic wastes, that I spied a near perfect seam of prismatic ore, in the open, for anyone with two hands and a pack animal to mine. I knew Tazar would pay a princely sum for such a fine specimen and it could do us well to fill our pockets with a bit more credits.

Hurrying about town I gathered together a true miner's treasure chest of tools. I marched it all over to the Bronze Engine, and happily showed it to the party, proudly proclaiming our potential princely sum. Once again I was met with low enthusiasm. Apparently they felt it was more of a necessity to go and reclaim the bodies of our fallen comrades. I happily told them that any items left on their bodies could easily be repurchased with the moneys we would earn from our mining expedition. Again, slack eyes and a lack of want. In a huff, I packed my gear together and placed it in my suite inside the Tower of Tazar. It seemed I would have to wait, yet again. However, I was followed by the still sober members of the party and they expressed that they had located some new recruits, and an old friend that showed up. Yes, apparently two oddly accented earthmen wearing equally odd clothing and claiming to be "alien abductees from a time far past" were hired on as help in this venture of reclaiming the companions. They introduced themselves as Thibodeaux and Jedediah, from the place of Nevada. Next to them stood a man in a conical hat and star patterened robe, calmly claiming to be called Ter'lec. As they moved aside I saw the familiar face of Nigel the Nightbringer, somehow not dead. Not Dead Nigel. How on Algol had he survived the Forbidden Mists to make it back here, full of gin and grinning madly? It was a pleasure to see his beefeating face again.

However it came to be, I found myself once again readying myself for a return to the pastel chalk cliffs of the mutant crow people. With my things gathered and a promise of return to Tazar, I sipped some tea and purchased a small silver pill of Sorcerer's Silver, and with a wink and a nod, turned on my heel and headed for the Bronze Engine.